"T-Rac," the Tennessee Titans' raccoon-like mascot, hit Saints quarterback Adrian McPherson with a golf cart as he walked onto the field for the second half Saturday night's game, bruising him and knocking him out of New Orleans' 19-16 victory in the teams' exhibition opener.

In response, New Orleans' mascot "Gumbo" loaded his t-shirt cannon with live ammunition and blasted the Titans' sideline repeatedly until sheriff's deputies subdued the rogue spirit-lifter.

Gumbo in happier times...

"He made us run more gassers than the infidel players," said third-year defensive back Salim Cooper.

Several newspapers report that Floyd Landis’ second sample has tested positive for synthetic testosterone and he will be banned from the sport of cycling.

Ironically, he will still be allowed to use his bicycle to deliver newspapers.

Kansans who opposed the teaching of evolution lost control of their school board in elections held yesterday, receiving a firsthand lesson in survival of the fittest and political extinction.

The U.S. military is now taking recruits up to age 42. The Pentagon believes it can minimize inappropriate contact between the sexes in the service by adding a large group of men with E.D.