Via AP News

I've never heard of this happening outside of a movie. The pilot of a twin engine aircraft died in flight, and a passenger had to land the plane.  The passenger knew how to fly small planes, but not this one.  Air traffic control had to "phone a friend" in Connecticut to talk the guy down.  Good thing that worked, otherwise they would have had to "Poll the audience"

I'm going to my buddy's wedding next month, and I was talking to some folks about wedding gifts.  My friend Donna says she gives between $150 to $200... which I thought was pretty generous.  I give between $100 and $150 for the first marriage, $50-$75 for the second, and a book on how to make your marriage work for the third. 

Once in a while I'll meet a girl that thinks I'm superficial, and I have to explain to her that I'm not superficial at all... the reason I cant date you is because other people are superficial... and so I cant be seen with you. 

I dont understand this driving while using your cell phone law.  In jersey you have to wear a headset to talk in the car, but that's almost wrecked my car TWICE! Here I am flying down the highway... my phone goes off... and then I panic and my car's all over the road while I try to find where I put this stupid headset. Laws are stupid.

I think that glass room at the airport that they make smokers use is hysterical.  It's like a glass aquarium of smoke.  My little nephew and I were stuck at the airport so we just sat and watched....

"Look at all the smokers... see... that one has a funny hat... uh oh.... he's mad... that's ok... you can even bang on the glass... he wont hurt us.... he has to stay in there and finish his cigarette... oh look.... that one blows rings!"

I was watching a horror movie with my buddy, and these kids are in the house with the killer and my buddy goes:

"Man! I would be so out of there..."

haha and so I pointed out:

"Yeah, and that's why no Hollywood exec would spend money to make your horror movie. They dont make movies... horror or otherwise... about a group of teen-agers that all make good decisions."

Did you know it’s possible to drink too much water?  People have overdosed and died from water.  Meanwhile... no one has ever overdosed from weed... hmm.  Either water should be illegal... or...

Also... water is completely safe if used in a bong... there's no way the water can harm you that way... hahaha... put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Michael Jackson is seeking a comeback in London because he's broke like everybody else.  Except he was broke well before the economy bust.   Remember when he was running a children's amusement park and not charging admission? Plus open bar!  That business model was never going to work. 

Via People.com 

Sarah Palin wants $11 million for her book.  To give you an idea of how crazy that is, Laura Bush got $2 million for hers, and Hillary Clinton got $8 million for her 2003 best seller. When someone pointed this out to Sarah, she smiled and said, "Yeah, but I'm pretty"

The book will be entitled "If I Only Had A Brain"

These parents gave their kids Nazi names, and had their children taken from them, but this is a free country and as much as I agree that Hitler was a jackass, you can name your kids whatever you want here. Sure the kid named after Adolf will get ridiculed all his life... but so what?  I got called Retardo all my life.  If anything this kid will make it big as a stand-up comic.... "Ladies and Gentlemen... the comedy stylings of Adolf Hitler".. I could see this kid opening for Seinfeld.