Larry Johnson says the Chiefs decision to release him has left him with a "bad taste in his mouth." Wow. It's like gay joke mad-libs.

The Phoenix Coyotes are interested in signing 47-year-old Chris Chelios. Fortunately, Chelios might be senile enough to take the offer.

Shaquille O'Neal and his wife are divorcing after seven years of marriage. In seven years, O'Neal never hit her. Or a free throw.

Denver Nuggets guard J.R. Smith hopes to rebuild his image by changing his name to Earl Smith III. Or maybe one of his other aliases.

The Boston Red Sox agreed to a $5 million contract with Tim Wakefield. The contract spans two years, or one pitch from Tim Wakefield.

Two students claim they were recently pushed by Michigan athletic director Bill Martin. It's never a good sign when your AD has more fight in him than your football team.

Former Knick center Chris Dudley might run for governor of Oregon. Let's hope for his sake it doesn't come down to a free throw contest.

The New York Knicks are expecting Eddy Curry back on the court soon. He's so big, he could be on the court and the bench at the same time.

LeBron James says he hasn't ruled out signing a contract with the Knicks. And doctors have not ruled out brain lesions.

Sammy Sosa is undergoing a rejuvenation treatment that has made his skin lighter. Probably to convince GM's that he's someone else.