Their message is clear. They're Chinese, they play joke, they put pee pee in our coke.

Equally offensive is the company's choice to label four sugars and cream "type II diabetic".

She can recall being in the oval office for all but one monumental decision made there.

Vishnu is pissed.

It was the first time millions of male viewers reported losing their erections during the show.

-Karl Marx

Most rational people would just chalk this statement up as another whiny crybaby looking for a handout. Sure, there are haves and have nots in human society. But if you know anything about biological society at all, then you know that rank and class make things happen. Look at our closest societal relatives in the animal kingdom, ants and bees. They have a certain hierarchy that goes from queen down to worker that has been in place five hundred million plus years before the first four chambered heart pumped on Earth. It has served them well for over half a billion years. The queen is the hives celebrity that is waited on hand and foot. Meanwhile, most workers and drones are blind. Their function in life is to clean, defend, and serve the queen. I don't see an insect equivalent of Karl Marx writing some manifesto begging for a fair shake and equality.

So it wasn't a shock to me that on my visit to Six Flags Great Adventure last weekend, the seperation of classes was alive and well. There is now a way for the rich and wealthy to avoid the lines for the attractions, which as anyone knows can get into the 2 hour range. "Flash Pass" can be purchased for $32 per person or Gold Flash Pass for $50 (more than park entry) which allows the holder to bypass all lines and wait no more than fifteen minutes on an otherwise two hour line.

Being a famous, fabulous comedian, paying $50 to avoid lines was a no brainer for me. I plunked down my $50 and enjoyed a wonderful day riding over 15 rollercoasters. I especially enjoyed the looks I got from the bourgeoisie and canille as I was escorted in front of them by a park liason and given my choice of what car I wanted to sit on, on attractions such as Kingda-ka, Batman the ride, & NITRO. If you know anything about poor people, you know they don't look, or smell especially good after waiting 2 hours in the hot sun to go on a ride that lasts 28 seconds.

I'm waiting now for low-income park goers to elect a leader. Someone who will give a voice to their plight. History also shows that when inequality and injustice thrive, a leader is born, to show the rest of the world when imparity is prevalent.

"Rollercoaster riders of the world unite!"

So you wake up one morning and decide, I'm going to be one of the "smart" comics. You declare internally that you'll no longer rely on primitive, philistine, & uncultured jokes to get laughs. Gone are the days where comedy is just supposed to make people laugh. Nowadays, audiences want clever, astute jokes, that not only tickle the funny bone, but educate as well. And who better to educate the masses than you? You're more than qualified to not only entertain, but to change minds, and voice how the world should be run as well. You pat yourself on the back for your decision. How brave you are to take on the world and all of it's intricacies and right this obviously sinking ship. Never before has someone sacrificed so much, to educate, through humor, the people of the world. You beam as you realize you're a comedic martyr. Sure you could have a million dollar career doing the simple funny stuff, but what would that accomplish? The people need a voice to rally around, they need to see irony, even if it means pointing it out to them. They need... you.

Armed with your new found philosophy, you begin to construct the brilliant set you're more than capable of creating. You start with a list of good things and bad things.

Bad Things

1) Racism

2) George W. Bush

3) Corporations

Good Things

1) Tolerance

2) Green Energy

3) Europe

Now that your lists are complete it's time to do research. You go out and buy every Bill Hicks CD ever recorded, & book written about him. You know that Bill Hicks stood for free thinking, so you'd better do everything he says.

Time for some inspiration! How will you skewer America and pop culture? Easy. You turn on your cable box and watch CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC with your new found smart perspective. What a gold mine! Seems like every commercial break there's a wealth of material that anyone who wasn't stupid could see is right in front of their nose. Your new "smart stuff" seems to write itself.

You have a tight seven minutes that's not only hysterically funny (how could it not be?... you wrote it!), but socially responsible, environmentally friendly, and critical of America and the stolid pop culture that represents it. Not to mention the complete imbeciles that are running the country into the ground. Man, if only you could have a crack at being president, you'd have this place runing like a well oiled machine.

Normally practice makes perfect, but in this case, because you feel so strongly about this material, practicing it will only make it sound rehearsed at the show you're going to debut it at. You know "smart" audiences can smell that before the mc even finishes your last name. Better to let your passion for the subject matter be what shines through the most. The audience will know in the first thirty seconds that you're one of the new "smart" comics and they will appreciate that much more than material and humor. In fact, you decide thirty seconds is too long to make the audience wait before they know you're "smart". You write your intro for the mc and plan to tell him it's best when delivered verbatim.

Ladies and Gentleman the next comic is "smart" and is going to educate you with his opinions. Caution: he may be too edgy for some of you, but in the name of truth and honesty he is going to say what he feels regardless of consequense. You need to hear what this next comic has to say.

Perfect

Now, at two hours before your set you look in your medicine cabinet mirror. Once again you thank yourself for having the courage to be one of the new "smart" comics. Why anyone would get on stage with the intention of just making the audience laugh is beyond you. You laugh to yourself at how anyone can possibly think that comedy is just about being funny. How do those other comics sleep at night knowing they're just adding to the problem? Stand up comedy is supposed to be the solution! You're supposed to give a voice to all those smart people that go unheard. You thank yourself one last time and head to the show.

You give the mc your intro and tell him its best when delivered verbatim. You go on stage and your passion is there, your fire and intensity is present and your material is "smart". For some reason, you bomb. Laughs are scarce up front and non existent by minute four.

As you storm home you wonder what happened? Why wasn't my material funny? Why didn't the audience respond when I said Dubya was dumb? Everyone knows he is. You've seen other comics do it to the tune of an applause break. As you get into your house and look in your medicine cabinet mirror you think why on Earth wasn't the audience laughing at my stuff? You begin to think that maybe the "smart" route isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe you should stick to the set that you did three weeks ago that got good laughs. So what that it wasn't as much a social commentary as it was funny? It got laughs. But man-o-man, you really wanted to be a "smart" comic.

Then your epiphany hits. How silly of you! It wasn't that the set wasn't funny. It was too "smart" for the audience! Of course that was it! How could I expect regular bourgeoisie to fully comprehend what I'm saying up there? It wasn't me... it was them! I was too "smart" for them. I wish one of the other comics would have warned me that the room was so dumb. I would have done my best to augment my set a little bit so that the people could have at least had some fun. Damn Americans, they're so dumb, all they want is pee pee and dick jokes! They don't want to hear what I'm saying. It's too much for them. Truth is very frightening to people. My cause now is that much stronger. I will lead Americans out of their homo-erectus mentality and open their eyes to the world around them. It's no longer my choice, but my responsibility.

At the same moment 8,501 other comedians are looking into their medicine cabinet mirrors having the same epiphany.

After being denied a visit to ground zero, the president learned he will also be denied a visit to Gray's Papaya.