If states misuse stimulus money, the Obama administration may pull the money or embarrass the states, Vice President Joe Biden said today. Just yesterday, Biden gave North Carolina a Wet Willy.

Singer-guitarist Steven Page has left the Barenaked Ladies. He echoed Lou Gehrig upon his departure when declared himself, "the luckiest man on the face of the Earth."

The Cecil County Sheriff's Office said a deputy about to take a bathroom break at a gas station smelled crack cocaine and made a quick arrest. The arrestee said it was a courtesy smoke.

Florida police said that a 75-year-old victim chased down a 29-year-old man, who had just snatched the victim's brand new laptop computer and printer on Sunday. Lesson learned: never rob a Kenyan.

A trendy pedicure with fish that nibble dead skin from the feet has been banned in Florida. It was called the Led Zeppelin pedicure.

Fire officials say an elderly man is dead after an explosion leveled a New Hampshire home. At least he does not have to live in New Hampshire anymore.

Sheriff's officers said a 19-year-old man snatched a Starbucks customers laptop after being told he could not use it to check his Facebook account. His status has been changed to 'getting sodomized in a prison shower.'

A former Maytag repairman who claimed to do more work than he really did was found guilty in federal court Thursday of 36 counts of wire fraud for submitting fraudulent repair claims. He was then voted Union head.

Rosie O'Donnell says she hopes to film again in Detroit on the heels of her new Lifetime movie, "America," which was shot last year in the Motor City. It's just a matter of convincing Detroit to make another unwatchable movie.

After injuring her knee, Kathleen Turner will return to the stage wearing a leg brace and using a cane in the off-Broadway comedy "The Third Story." Fortunately, no damage was done to her penis.