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Ernie Mccracken
Ernie Mccracken
"Warning: Not actual comedian. Side effects may include nausea, dry-mouth and cricket noises in background."



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53 Jokes  

Ernie Mccracken
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Fish X

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jul 15, 2007
Category: Weird  

Old joke:
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
"Dam"

New joke:
What did the fish on ecstasy say when he hit the wall?
"Dam, I wish I was your lover."

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Where's the Fire? Wait, where's the Congressman?

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jul 13, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Congress

246 Jokes  2 Videos

Where's the Fire? Wait, where's the Congressman?There was an evacuation of the House Page Dorm due to an Audible Fire Alarm on Friday.

Pages were instructed to evacuate the dorm in an orderly fashion,
not to talk to any strangers
and to grab emergency kits on the way out,
including specially formulated
'Foley Pepper Spray'
(smells like of-age female)

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Ernie Mccracken
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D.H.S. E.S.P. S.O.L.

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jul 11, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Dirty Mouth

2100 Jokes  60 Videos

D.H.S.  E.S.P.  S.O.L.DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff said he bases an increased risk of terror this summer on his 'gut feeling'.

He added that a more detailed assessment will be available once he has consulted with Undersecretary Miss Cleo.

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Ernie Mccracken
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Don't be Vitter

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jul 10, 2007
Category: Political  

Don't be VitterLouisiana Sen. David Vitter was disclosed as a client by the "DC Madam".

Apparently he wasn’t happy screwing just the taxpayers of Louisiana.

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Coming this Fall - Gaze in the Military

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jun 26, 2007
Category: Weird  

Coming this Fall  -  Gaze in the MilitaryA New Drama About Soldiers Staring at Each Other

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Cougars Gone Wild

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jun 21, 2007
Category: Weird  

Cougars Gone WildI know some women like younger guys.
And many of these women wear delightful smelling perfumes.

But I passed a woman yesterday who's perfume smelled like Playdoh.

And that's just inappropriate.

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Touchy

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jun 18, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Virginia

102 Jokes  5 Videos

TouchyA Virginia middle school has banned all physical contact as a means of combating public displays of affection between students; no handshakes, no high-fives, nothing.

While some have criticized the rule as a gross overreaction, Principle Scissor-Hands says he stands by his decision.

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Ernie Mccracken
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Statutory Fix

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jun 12, 2007
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Gambling

84 Jokes  1 Videos

Statutory FixFinancial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank is pushing legislation to legalize internet gambling.

Frank said "I love online gambling; My favorite game is called 'I hope he's really 18'."

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Ernie Mccracken
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Taking Balls and Going Home

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jun 9, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Animal

1056 Jokes  34 Videos

Taking Balls and Going HomeBob Barker ended his 35 year run as the host of "The Price Is Right" after taping his last show this week.

As a finale, Barker spayed and neutered his two dogs Showcase and Plinko .

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Ernie Mccracken
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Dirty Talk

By: Ernie Mccracken (C)
Submitted: Jun 6, 2007
Category: Weird  Staff Pick!

I'm fine with dirty talk
But not dirty-bomb talk.

You want me to spank you? Fine.
But I am not going to cover you with Uranium and detonate you.

That’s just weird.

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