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Ernie Mccracken
"Warning: Not actual comedian. Side effects may include nausea, dry-mouth and cricket noises in background."
      
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 Ok, so I may have over bought.
But if you’re looking for some medium-quality ladies' undergarments that happen to have the former Governor of Massachusetts’s likeness on them,
look no further.
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 Japanese arm-wrestling arcade game “Udedamashii” (Arms Spirit) is being recalled after it broke three players’ arms.
But the Italian-made game “Accidents Happen” that breaks your arm if you stop inserting protection tokens, will remain on the market.
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 The other day I drove through Durham, NC and saw a billboard that said,
“Durham; Where good things happen.”
The Chamber of Commerce may want to rethink that one.
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 'People' magazine is a misleading title.
A more accurate name would be
'People That Have No Bearing on Your Life',
or 'Rhinoplasty Weekly',
or 'Eating Disorders Digest',
or 'Look Ma! No Consequences'.
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 A new study shows Obesity to be 'socially contagious.'
“This is a huge blow to the Fat Camp industry.”
said the Director of Camp Anawanaseconds
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 The Carpenters Union paid homeless individuals $8/hour to protest for them against low wages in Washington D.C. this week.
I for one applaud this effort.
In the past, I would walk past a group of homeless people, they would say things at me like, “can you spare some change?” or “the fanny packs attack at midnight”…
…and I would give them a dollar.
Now I walk past the same group, and they yell things like
“Higher wages for carpenters!”
…and a Union Boss gives them a dollar…
…and my dollar goes to Candy, who’s stripping her way through college on a stage that was built by carpenters.
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 Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich, who is a vegan, has been hospitalized with "severe" effects of apparent food poisoning.
In other news, Republican meat-lover Fred Thompson has eaten Dennis Kucinich.
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And ready to get back into the game!
When did it become not ok to have sex with monkeys?
