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Greg Contreras
"Does this profile make me look fat?"
New York, NY
      
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Greg Banks is loved by old, white, tea-baggers everywhere.
e-mail him at banks.greg@gmail.com.
Octavia Smith says:
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I don't know why bush hates puppies, because hes fucking one every night.His wife or should i say a Chihuahua.
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 On Friday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) said she was praying that President Bush would have a change of heart and vote for the current S-CHIP legislation.
Ms. Pelosi prays frequently and was seen recently at San Francisco's Folsom Street S&M Fair praying to "Leather Sister," a popular local deity.
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 WALTHAM, Mass. (AP) - A gifted parrot that could count to six, identify colors and even express frustration with scientific trials was found dead in it's cage yesterday.
Irene Pepperberg, the scientist that found Alex in 1973 said, "It's devastating to lose an individual you've worked with pretty much every day for 30 years."
Pepperberg said Alex hadn't reached his full cognitive potential. Just last month he pronounced the word "seven" for the first time.
"Seven was too much for him," she said wistfully.
Colleagues have been helping Pepperberg grieve and to understand that a parrot isn't an "individual," it's a bird.
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 Osama bin Laden praised Islam because they have no taxes (except a small infidel fee of 2.5%) and super low interest home loans!
It's all part of the new "Come to Waziristan" promotional campaign featuring former CHP's star, Eric Estrada.
The ad copy reads:
"It's the closest thing to heaven you can get: fresh mountain air, free housing and plenty of sheep."
Plus, if you convert now, we won't have to kill you!"
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 A B-52 bomber was "mistakenly" loaded with five nuclear warheads and flown to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana.
The "missing" nukes resulted in an Air Force-wide investigation, according to several officers who asked not to be identified because they were not authorized to discuss the incident.
They added: "we think they represent Bush's 'final solution' for Katrina reconstruction, but we can't be certain."
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 The Depot grounds include the lovely Platt Gardens, featuring graceful pathways, a gazebo and koi pond, and a panoramic view of the Boise Front (a large undeveloped area just north of town).
“it’s a magical place really," the Senator said, "perfect for a day out with the family or for the kind of multiple, anonymous homosexual encounters of which I am so fond.”
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 Idaho Senator Larry Craig will announce his resignation this morning from the Boise Depot, the city's historic, iconic (and phallic!) train depot.
The 10:30am press conference will be held in the men's rest room, or did you guess?
Which begs the question, Senator, have you no sense of irony, at long last?
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United Nations officials found vials of a chemical warfare agent, phosgene, taken from Iraq. The chemicals were found as the U.N. Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission (UNMOVIC) were clearing out their offices, in Manhattan near U.N. headquarters. Mission accomplished!
"So that's where they went," an official said.
The FBI said the public was never in danger, since no one had emptied the trash that morning.
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.jpg) Reacting to news that the "surge" (of baby killing U.S. imperialists) was having a positive impact on Iraq stability, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-CA said: "damn, just when defeat was within our grasp."
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 (AFP) Seven Russian terrorism suspects suffered torture and other abuses in Russia, after they we’re released by US authorities from Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. This according to Human Rights Watch.
"We want to go back to Gitmo," they said through an interpreter, "the food was better and we got a lot of sun."
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 SAND LAKE, Mich. (AP) - About 15 million gallons of partially treated sewage water disappeared from a 250,000 square-foot storage lagoon into a sinkhole in Kent County...
Coincidently, the effluent surfaced in Cook County ballot boxes where votes had frequently disappeared.
Now we know where they go, said an official.
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