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Greg Contreras
Greg Contreras
"Does this profile make me look fat?"

New York, NY

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Biography
Greg Banks is loved by old, white, tea-baggers everywhere.

e-mail him at banks.greg@gmail.com.

Octavia Smith says:

I don't know why bush hates puppies, because hes fucking one every night.His wife or should i say a Chihuahua.
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53 Jokes  

Greg Contreras
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Judge: Defendant too Fat to Flee

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: May 2, 2008
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Court Room

517 Jokes  4 Videos

A 500-lb shopkeeper was released without bail after being arraigned in the courthouse parking lot. The 500-lb man is accused of selling knockoff Gibson Les Paul guitars.

The judge said it was the classic case of too fat to walk, too fat to fly.

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Greg Contreras
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Obama Explains Hillary Win...

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Apr 23, 2008
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Hillary Clinton

252 Jokes  11 Videos

Obama Explains Hillary Win..."You can't kill the undead."

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Greg Contreras
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Scientists produce embryo clones of 2 men

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Jan 17, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Dating

571 Jokes  37 Videos

Scientists produce embryo clones of 2 menThe clone is groundbreaking because it creates the first same-sex, same-person relationship.

Let's see the Supreme Court work that out.

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Greg Contreras
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Rambo at 62

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Jan 14, 2008
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Florida

330 Jokes  2 Videos

Rambo at 62Being John Rambo at 62 has certain pluses and minuses:

1) The only thing stiff in the morning are your knees.

2) The bad guys can't sneak up on you: you pee 6 times a night.

3) Your camp is littered with Icy Hot patches.

4) You fall asleep while firing your M-60.

5) You haven't had a good crap since the mid-90s.

6) You're easier to track, they follow the scent of menthol (see #3).

7) Your sciatica means the hot Asian chick gives you a back rub instead of a front rub.

8) Medicaid hasn't kicked in yet.

9) Rambo V to be filmed in The Villages, FL.

10) Senior discounts at the Gun Shack.

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Greg Contreras
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Afghan Secures Release from Git'mo (He Died)

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 30, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Guantanamo Bay

51 Jokes

Afghan Secures Release from Git'mo (He Died)MIAMI (Reuters) - An Afghan detainee has died from cancer at the prison camp at the U.S. naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, authorities said on Sunday.

Abdul Razzak, 68, who was undergoing chemotherapy treatment for colorectal cancer, was pronounced dead by a doctor at the base on Sunday morning, the U.S. military said in a statement.

Which gives real meaning to the term, habeaus corpus

An unidentified colonel was quoted as saying said, "one down, 290 to go."

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Greg Contreras
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Archbishop Dismisses Christmas Story as Legend

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 20, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Christmas

198 Jokes  13 Videos

Archbishop Dismisses Christmas Story as LegendThe Archbishop of Canterbury said yesterday that the Christmas story of the Three Wise Men was nothing but a 'legend'.

The Archbishop concluded his remarks by saying: "Merry F***ing Christmas" and "ho-f***ing-ho."

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Greg Contreras
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Hillary Clinton Begins Her Charm Offensive

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 17, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Hillary Clinton

252 Jokes  11 Videos

Hillary Clinton Begins Her Charm OffensiveThings could get ugly.

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Greg Contreras
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Cheney’s Irregular Heartbeat Caused by Nuke Report

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 4, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Dick Cheney

155 Jokes  1 Videos

Cheney’s Irregular Heartbeat Caused by Nuke ReportDecember 5, 2004; White House insiders say that Vice President Richard B. Cheney’s bout of arrhythmia was triggered when he was briefed on the latest National Intelligence Estimate report, which said that said Iran had likely ceased its weapons program in 2003.

According to anonymous sources, the Vice President grabbed his shotgun, jumped on his desk and yelled: “f**k ‘em, let's bomb ‘em anyway.”

The White House would neither confirm nor deny the report.

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Greg Contreras
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Mexican volcano-god Popocatepetl spews great smoke

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 2, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Mexico

213 Jokes  12 Videos

Mexican volcano-god Popocatepetl spews great smokeAs high priest of gaia (the earth goddess), Al Gore blames humanity; offers ritual sacrifice (of others) to appease angry volcano-god.

In other news, draft-Gore movement gains steam.

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Greg Contreras
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Clinton the Picture of Calm

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 1, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Hillary Clinton

252 Jokes  11 Videos

Clinton the Picture of CalmThe AP lauds Hillary Clinton for being "the picture of calm in the face of crisis," referring to the taking of hostages at her Rochester, NH campaign office.

So, then it was only the media running around the kitchen screaming?

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