Paris Hilton's new straight-to-DVD movie "Pledge This" has critics waxing over her wooden performance.

The NBA is switching back to leather balls. Micro-fiber based balls introduced this season were hated by players. Sportscasters, on the other hand, enjoyed describing slam dunks with the newer ball as "Stuffin' the Muffin".

A rabbi's lawsuit has caused an airport to remove all it's Christmas trees rather than put up an 8' Menorah. A TSA spokesman said, "Do we look like Jewish Homeland Security?"

A Nazi race car is up for auction. It was commissioned by Hitler to run over Jesse Owens.

Nurses are complaining about a new restaurant that features waitresses in skimpy nurse uniforms. "Nurses are the most sexually fantasized-about profession," said Sandy Summers, executive director of the Center for Nursing Advocacy. "We're asking people to move these sexual fantasies to other professionals, like executive directors with porno names."

Mariah Carey is suing a politically active porn star for using a similar name. The singer is afraid her fans might mistake her for a registered voter.

A new chewable birth control pill debuted today. It will be marketed to girls that don't swallow.

The Kremlin denies any involvement with a Russian spy being poisoned by radiation. "If we wanted him to die a slow painful death we would have taken him to Taco Bell."

Mel Gibson's new ultra-violent movie comes out this week. During filming no animals or actors were harmed... just a few bottles of tequila and a lot of Jewish feelings.

Dick Cheney's gay daughter is pregnant.  Democracts have proposed a "Cheney" commerative $3 coin that honors gay mariage on one side and unwed motherhood on the other.