The federal government declared a public health emergency.  But public faith was restored when the President not only spoke openly about the swine flu, but then shook its hand in a photo op.

A new reality dating show will premiere on Fox featuring guys dating plus-size women.  Fox calls it "More to Love,"; BET calls it, "Regular Programming". 

Madonna arrived in Malawi this week prepared to adopt a 4-year-old girl from the country. Thus kicking off this year's Madonna - Angelina Jolie Fantasy Draft. 

General Motors said it would decide this week what to do with its struggling Hummer brand. They would have done this last week, but some douche with a Hummer took up three parking spaces and everyone had to circle the lot until now. 

"Watchmen" director Zack Snyder said the movie is a lot like his other hit "300".  Primarily because that's how old the average fans will be when they finally get a date.

Michelle Obama announced that the family's first dog will arrive in April.  And so will a letter from House Republicans that says, "We love bipartisanship!  …. April Fool's!"

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal angered the science community when he questioned the appropriation of federal funds for volcano research.  Especially when he said, "Just throw up some half-ass levees and be done with it, for crying out loud."

New Life Church in South Dakota has been conducting boxing matches in a ring inside the church to help illustrate the spiritual battles faced by man.  Because when life knocks you down, God won't count you out . . . until He gets to ten.  

The Arizona Cardinals fired their defensive coordinator.  His departure will leave an opening so big, Pittsburgh just scored again. 

A Bugatti automobile was found in a garage where it sat for over 50 years.  But had it stuck around another month, Jiffy Lube swears it would have been next in line.