Michael Vick was released from prison but is avoiding the media.  And he'll continue to do so if he signs with the Lions. 

Gymnastic phenom Shawn Johnson won "Dancing With the Stars".  It's the first time a flip-flopper won anything since Nancy Pelosi was named Speaker of the House. 

Iran said it tested a missile that can travel 1,200 miles.  U.S. officials are concerned, because it's so much like an American "rocket", it even lied to Congress about using steroids.

Roger Clemens adamantly denies a new book's claims that he took steroids.  Then, representing the last body part to change size, his nose grew. 

*This joke has also been submitted by me to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.

The World Health Organization said that most people who get the swine flu do not  need drugs.  How ironic, seeing that most people who get the swine flu went to Mexico. 

Donald Trump said that Carrie Prejean may keep her title as Miss California.  But the state's title for Biggest Waste of Headline Space . . . that still belongs to the L.A. Clippers. 

Over 50 million retirees can expect a check for $250 from the government.  Suck on that, disappearing nest egg!

Keith Olbermann wants Sean Hannity to undergo water boarding for charity.  Not to prove that it's torture, but just to hear him not talk for ten seconds.

Janet Napolitano retracted her statement that suggested that extremists could easily recruit returning vets.  She corrected herself, saying, "Let's face it, in these times, even extremists aren't hiring."

Many suspect that American cases of swine flu originated in Mexico.  So President Obama apologized for creating demand.