New governor Eliot Spitzer used his inaugural address to send a message that he is serious about reform and declared, "Day One is now."

Spitzer will use all his fingers and toes to count the days in his first three weeks in office and plans to take off his pants when the count gets to "Day 21." 

"Wait!... Is there a 'Q'?!"

Chinese scientists say they can predict earthquakes by observing the tendency of snakes to launch themselves headlong into walls.

Samuel L. Jackson said to be looking forward to the challenge of playing a Chinese scientist in his next film.

"I'm tired of these  motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking Guangxi Province!"

Six people were injured when a rampaging bull charged guests at a wedding ceremony in Cambodia.

Pop diva Mariah Carey is suing porn DDiva Mary Carey citing the likelihood that consumers will "mistakenly associate the goods offered" by Mary Carey--whose real name is Mary Cook--with the performer's "goods and services."

Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre added another record to his resume this week.  The future Hall of Famer was said to be contemplating retirement for the 745th time, eclipsing the old mark held by pop diva Cher.

Florida Governor Jeb Bush's official portrait shows him with a picture of his family and his BlackBerry.

Bush is sometimes referred to as the first "e-governor" due to his extensive use of the device.

Congressman Virgil Goode (R-Idiot-VA) sent out a letter to constituents that unless immigration is tightened, "many more Muslims" will be elected and will use the Koran at their ceremonial swearing-in.

Congressmen should be free to swear-in on books that reflect their deeply held beliefs.  As a result, incoming representatives will now have their choice of swearing in on either the Bible, the Koran or a stack of back issues of Barely Legal.

You can tell Congessman Goode is an experienced politician.  He was able to execute the difficult political maneuver of trashing both open immigration and religious freedom in one letter - a feat that earned him a 9.75 from the international panel of judges (after you throw out North Korea's high score of a perfect 10.0). 

Memo to Congressman Goode: Last time we checked it's called The Statue of Liberty, not The Statue of Circumscribed Freedoms.

A gorilla at the Bristol Zoo became the first gorilla to give birth in captivity using fertility drugs normally used by humans. 

The female gorilla named Salome was not becoming pregnant by her partner Jock despite regular mating.  She refused to give up a promising career in marketing and he was dead-set against adoption.

Party photos of another Miss America contestant have surfaced.  The pictures reportedly show Katie Rees (Miss Nevada 2007) exposing her breasts, passionately kissing other young women, and simulating oral sex with females and a male.

Earlier this month, Rees was the guest of honor at a Special Olympics bowling tournament and last month attended an event for underprivileged children.

Tickets are sold out for Miss Nevada's upcoming charity appearance at the Make-A-Wish foundation.