The former infomercial psychic Miss Cleo has recently revealed to The Advocate that she is a lesbian. A Tarot card from her personal deck, pictured here, confirms her story.

After being greeted by applause, an astronaut from the space shuttle Atlanta collapsed twice Friday during her speech at a crowded welcome home ceremony.

"I was just surpised that anyone still gave a shit about the space shuttle," she said.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad scoffed at suggestions he's anti-Semitic yesterday.

"I'm not anti-Jew," he told reporters at the UN. "I prefer to think of myself as pro-Gibson."

President Bush and Sen. John McCain have reached a tentative deal concerning the treatment of prisoners according to the Geneva Conventions against torture.

Bush will continue doing what he wants, and McCain will keep his mouth shut unless he wants to, "take a little trip down memory lane."

Today, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez called President Bush "a devil" on the floor of the U.N. General Assembly. Though Bush was not present at the time, he heard about the insult and had this to say:

"Yeah, well he calls me, ya know, a devil, but at least I'm from the good ol' U.S. of Earth and not from that Venus like some people."

"Star Wars" creator George Lucas has donated $175 million to the USC film school, where he graduated in 1966.

"I was plumping up some sofa cushions over at Skywalker Ranch and I came across the money, which I figured I'd give to my old alma mater," Lucas said in a statement.

When asked how the felt about Lucas' gift, a spokesman for USC replied, "Personally, I think Episodes I-III are brilliant."

Considering Germany's track record with hydrogen-powered vehicles, I think I'll pass.

Angelina Jolie's new CooterCam™ transmitted its first image to DailyComedy.com today. (Special thanks to National Geographic for all their hard work.)

50 Cent was arrested today for driving an uninsured Lamborghini through midtown Manhattan. He told police he was just making a quick "In-N-Out" run with fellow criminal Paris Hiton. When reminded there are no In-N-Out Burgers in New York, Fitty replied, "Who said anything about burgers?"