Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spent Thanksgiving riding around Saigon on a motorbike. The local press have nicknamed them Captain Vietnam and Angie the Kid Adopter.

A 64 year old grandma blew herself up in Gaza near an Israeli outpost. She was shown on TV in a martyr’s video holding an M-16 rifle and wearing a bright green pair of Hamas Edition Depends.

Bloodshed between Shiites and Sunnis continued unabated in Sadr City, Iraq today. U.S. troops in the area  called for a Thanksgiving Day truce but the effort fell apart. It turns out the words "cranberry sauce" translate into farsi as "blood for oil".

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade organizers, citing safety concerns, decided today to fly the parade balloons lower to the ground than usual - including this year's newest balloon, "Snoopy Pilots the Hindenberg".

A neuropsychologist has identified a condition where a person involuntarily “tastes” words. This appears to explain how one can be overweight yet never seem to stop talking long enough to eat.

A zoo in Ethopia is poisoning lion cubs because they cannot afford to keep them. The zoo released a statement that said it regrets dealing with the problem in this way, but Ethiopia is a poor desert country that has neither the bags nor the lakes needed for conventional cub disposal.

The streets of Baghdad have been littered with bodies due to sectarian violence. To combat the problem the Iraqi government will require all assassins to pay a returnable 5 dinar body deposit per victim.

The Pope plans to visit the muslim country of Turkey next week. Security is massive due to fear that radical muslims may cut off his nose to spite their faith.

Nasa lost track of a 10 year old space probe circling Mars earlier this week. The probe was only designed to last two years, but at the last minute someone replaced it's batteries with Energizers.

A homeless pair of Katrina victims who were given a $75,000.00 house by a Mephis church, free and clear, sold it for $88,000.00 without ever living in it. "Take it up with God," an unrepentant Joshua Thompson told a TV reporter after it was learned what he and his wife had done. When a spokesman for the church was asked how the congregation was coming to terms with the betrayal he said, "At times like these one must ask oneself, 'What would Jesus do in this real estate market?'"