To make up for record losses, British Airways is asking it's employees to work for 4 weeks with no pay.  If I worked for them, I would say no problem.  However, I would make some money.

You need to use the bathroom?  $5.  You need toilet paper?  $1 per sheet per ply.  Pillow?  Sure, $11.  What's that, you're hungry?  Peanuts $13 and some kind of Steak $39.50.  You're kidding me, you're thirsty too?  I'll spit in a glass for you for $6.  Need headphones?  Go blow yourself. 

I'd also pass a hat around telling everyone that they need to chip in for gas to insure we stay in the air over the Atlantic.  Then, I would drape off a section of seats in the back selling tickets to the "Join the mile high club experience".  Couples $99, Threesomes $199 and a souvenir photo of your experience $25. 

I would either do all of that or call in sick everyday until the 4 weeks is up.  That's why god made Xbox.  For when you're unemployed.

This was actually an article about Jake Gyllenhall and Reese Witherspoon on the internet.  This was actual news with a writer and everything.  Jake and Reese Go Shopping.  You know what I say?  "Who gives a F*CK!"  If this kind of news actually makes your day or pulls you away from the reality of your mundane life, go hurt yourself with a nail gun. 

Now when Megan Fox turns lesbo and starts dating Lindsey Lohan, that's news.  Other than that nothing really matters in Hollywood.   

Next month in Seattle, the famed Fishmonger from Pike Place Fish Market will be on display tossing dead fish as a demonstration.  PETA of course finds this to be disrespectful and will be there to protest.  Must be a slow month for PETA. 

Hey PETA, this morning I killed a fly, stepped on an ant and now I'm going out to beat all of the worms in my garden.  Take that BITCHES! 

Kim Jong Il has threatened that Nuclear War chances are at the highest ever.  He is threatening to Nuke South Korea.  I'm no scientist but it seems that would be like North Carolina nuking South Carolina.  They're all going to die.  

Why is this guy such a pain in the ass?  Well, his first name is Kim and he's the size of an 11 year old pygmy.  Usually short people just buy a big pick-up truck to make up for their lack of size.  We should send him a big Hummer and a penis pump to make him feel better about himself. 

Not guilty?  Oh, well give him a passport, money and allow him to be free to run amok inside our borders.  I'm sure he's no threat whatsoever. 

I wonder if Tom Cruise is his lawyer?  I would love to be in court everyday screaming "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" at inappropriate times during the case. 

And when the judge says "Order in the court!" I'll say, "YOU WANT ME IN THAT TOWER, YOU NEED ME IN THAT TOWER!" 

This happened today in Pakistan and it is very upsetting that this is the kind of thing they deal with on a daily basis. 

That being said, I was just wondering if it would be rude to call down to the front desk  and ask for more towels after something like this happens. 

American Idol's Adam Lambert is Gay.  What are you going to try and tell me next?  Water's wet, the sky is blue, grass is green, Oprah is often over weight?  

I thought he just played feminine to pick up the chicks, how naive of me. 

I am not sure if I have cared less about two people in the world.  These two pump out 6 kids at one time, alienate the 2 they already had, get a TV show, then proceed to sleep around on eachother like rabbits. 

On top of that there are living humans who actually spend time talking about these two morons as if their lives are heaven.  If they are on Good Morning America one more time I'm flying to NY and slapping someone with a tire iron.  He's got a head like an alien and she has that hair style that always makes it look like she's lying flat on her back.  Which, apparently she always is. 

I can not wait for their 15 minutes of fame to come to an end in a fireball of hatred.  Then, they'll be back on Celebrity Rehab or Celebrity Fights within the decade.  I'm sure their children will end up completely normal.  I'm sure none of them will end up on Sunset Blvd selling themselves or crack.  Good luck wackos! 

I love humans.  I am certainly not a a spokesman for PETA, but is it really necessary to snag the rare giant octopus.  As soon as there is something on this earth that we don't know everything about, we must find it, kill it, slice it open, see how it breeds, what it eats and count it's organs.  Its the real reason we send rovers to Mars.  Some NASA geek is hoping to god that there is life out there so they can catch it, disect it and see if it is edible and find out if it will cure a disease or two. 

Just a word of warning to those of you shopping for a new car.  I am not sure if you have seen the commercials for the Volkswagon Jetta but they appear to get in a lot of accidents.  You know the commercial, two or three people in the middle of a normal conversation and then WHAM!  Out come the airbags and their bodies flop around like crash dummys.  So go buy a Hummer or big truck to crush the other Jetta's in town.