Yahoo.com Headline: K-Fed's weight shocks fans

Me: Whoa...K-Fed has fans??? 

Stephen Killion, president of the Cambridge Police Patrol Officer's Association, called President Obama's remarks regarding the "Skip" Gates fiasco "totally inappropriate," according to the Huffington Post.

Killion: "That was totally inappropriate. I am disgraced that he is our commander-in-chief. He smeared the good reputation of the hard-working men and women of the Cambridge Police Department. It was wrong to do. It was disgraceful." 

Which begs a bigger question...should we be letting people this sensitive have guns?

In Early May, Jeff Kepner of Augusta, Ga. had double hand transplant surgery at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, and is still unable to register any feeling in them. Moreover, his doctors say it takes a month for new nerves to grow a single inch, and up to two years before he has full use of his fingers.

Wow, man...I sure hope I never wind up in that situation, but if I were him I'd make the most of it...if it's gonna be two years before you can feel your own hands? I say use that time to get acquainted with your local adult bookstore. Shoot - if it were me, I'd be at Romantic Depot so often, the manager would be able to describe me to a police sketcher!

Recently on MSNBC, Levi Johnston commented on the recent travails of Sarah Palin, saying the fame of the presidential election "got to her head," and if she ran for president, he would not vote for her.

I'm not one to defend Palin by a long shot, but Levi...dude...y'sure you wanna speak out that much about a woman who's clearly unstable, is a stone's throw away from menopause and already enjoys shooting things from helicopters?

In an interview that will air July 14, Michael Jackson's father will make his case to raise the King of Pop's three children.

Joe Jackson: "Their grandmother Katherine and I should raise them. Yes, there's no one else who can do what we can do for them. We should keep them all together and make them happy. Feed them like they are supposed to be fed." 

Anybody else get the feeling we're going to see a "Michael's Law" in our lifetime?

Put it this way: can we get this admitted as a confession? 

At Michael Jackson's memorial service today, Stevie Wonder opened with, "This is a moment I wish I didn't live to see coming."  

Um...d'you wanna...? Should I...? It's just that he's...y'know what - we'll just leave it alone.

Sarah Palin says she quit her office to answer a "higher calling"...sigh.

Y'ever feel like you could almost see how a chain of events will come to pass? I like to call it "Writer's Foresight," because sometimes people's lives will fit a certain narrative model almost perfectly. And I'll tell ya - considering this woman has never met an epiphany she couldn't MISS, I do NOT see her personal story ending well.

At the rate she's going, I'd bet anybody $100 she winds up drunk and insane like "Lola" from "Copacabana:" Her name was SArah...she was a MOron...she sported shoulderlengthbrownhair, and a foureyedvacantstare... 

Researchers at Columbia University and the Alan Guttmacher Institute have found that the climb in teenaged birth and pregnancy rates over the last few years can be linked directly to Abstinence-Only sexual education programs that result in decreased use of contraceptives.

Published in the July edition of the Journal of Adolescent Health, this will be the first scientific article in history to ever be titled, "Well, DUH!!!"

From the SYDNEY MORNING HERALD: "Australia is looking into allegations that a group of sailors ran a sex betting ring on the high seas, the Sydney Morning Herald reports. Female members of the HMAS Success crew told officials that a group of sailors kept a betting book—known as 'The Ledger'—to see who could sleep with the most women. Bedding a female officer or a lesbian earned higher winnings."  

Not the most shocking news, really - Everybody knows where there's sex, there's seamen.