Democrats and Liberal activists expressed their newfound love of the Diebold voting machine one day after it gave them the result that they wanted.

Michael Jackson has announced a dramatic comeback bid later this month with a performance of his classic song "Thriller" at The World Music Awards.

The song will be, "Even more thrilling," than the original, assured Mr. Jackson, who, in a bold move, plans to perform without the use of a make-up artist.

A Delaware man who was found guilty of indecent exposure was sentenced to wear a t-shirt with the words, "I am a registered sex offender" in bold letters.

Area teens found the t-shirt cool, and Abercrombie and Fitch immediately began selling them, hoping to match the success of "Strip Poker Referee."

A new study from the New England Research Institute has found a substantial drop in testosterone amongst American men over the last two decades.

Dr. Thomas Travison said it is likely that, "Some sort of external exposure is responsible for the testosterone decline," but said the reason for the precipitous drop in modern men still remained a mystery.

"Now if you'll excuse me," said Dr. Travison, "I've got to get home by 8 p.m. or my wife will kill me."

Scientists at Monsanto corporation are working to breed a pumpkin with the perfect stem for making a jack-o'-lantern lid.

After that, they hope to move on to the next step- breeding a second stem with a hand, that can grab a knife, carve out it's own face, plop a candle in it's head, and drag itself to your porch.

A 10-year-old boy has been charged with making a terrorist threat after he threatened to blow up the school. Officials then found two devices in his backpack:

-A small glass jar containing a solid white substance and a plastic sandwich bag.
-A candy wrapper about the size of an index finger, stuffed with a solid white substance.

Sounds like a Fluffernutter and a Charleston Chew. It may not be terrorism, but it's one hell of an unhealthy lunch.

A judge this week decided not to charge rapper Busta Rhymes with weapons possession, but he still faces charges for an incident in which he allegedly assaulted a fan who was seeking an autograph.

That does it. I'm going to give this guy a taste of his own medicine.

Busta liked to rhyme
But now may do time
Cuz he delivered a bitch slap
To some innocuous chap
Whose unsullied plan
Was “sign my book, man!”

Busta, how can we trust ya
When you give a knuckle buster
To some kid from the block
Who just wants your John Hancock?
Friend, you must learn to demure-
when they ask for your signature!

I think I've made my point, Mr. Rhymes!

A senior State Department diplomat apologized Sunday that the United States displayed "arrogance and stupidity" in its handling of the Iraq war, but blamed "translation problems" for the misunderstanding.

He said there were many other ways to translate his comments in Arabic, such as:

"audacity and idiocy"
"egotism and dull-headedness"
"superciliousness and simple-mindedness"

In an accident witnessed by a group of friends, casino magnate Steve Wynn poked a large hole in Picasso's famous painting, "The Dream."

He assured everyone he would be able to repair the $140 million masterpiece, adding, "I know a really good plastic surgeon."