Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson hook up for a late night rendezvous. The on-again-off-again pair ended up staying the night together and engaging in some loud and rowdy chic on chic action. Maybe a little to loud and rowdy. Neighbors complained that the noises sounded like someone was sucking Jell-O through a Crazy Straw.

‘Britain’s Got Talent’ and internet sensation Susan Boyle has gotten a makeover. However the soaring songster is keeping herself grounded by insisting she wont let fame go to her head. Stating, “I’m still the same person that no one will remember 2 weeks from now”

A Coachella festival goer was tasered by police after removing his wizard outfit, baring his pale nude body. and refusing to put his clothes back on. Police have slapped the basement dwellar with 3 charges, assault, public lewdness, and exposing his Harry Peter.

The app, intended no doubt to be humorous, displayed a picture of a baby on the phone's screen and played a recording of a baby crying. The user then had to shake the iPhone vigorously until red X's appeared on the baby's eyes and the crying stopped. The app, which is no longer available, was available in 2 versions, The Single Baby Original for $1 or the Octomom ‘Shake n’ Bake’ for $8.

Authorities, who have few leads, are searching for a college professor suspected in the shooting deaths of his wife and two men outside a community theater that was staging a performance of "Sherlock Holmes: The Final Adventure". A shocked community offered to help in the search, but police had to say thanks but no thanks when theatre performers arrived wearing tweed deerstalker hats, matching overcoats, and carrying large magnifying glasses.

Country legend and sultan of sausage Jimmy Dean and his wife, Donna, narrowly escaped a fire Monday that swept through their Virginia home. The couple were awoken by a neighbor who saw smoke billowing from the couples house. The neighbor stated he knew the smoke was from the Deans home because it smelled like regular, maple, and hot & spicy.

North Korea has started reprocessing spent fuel rods to make weapons-grade plutonium. The country stated that unlike their recent failed rocket launch, they will not look foolish this time. An embarrassed N. Korea warned they now have the technology to re-launch their rocket, by using the plutonium to fuel a time traveling DeLorean.

Making them easier to cook in the dark.

Tourists have little to nothing to fear, since the flu can not be contacted through Chicklets or oranges.

Authorities are still trying to figure out what pissed him off.