Another former MTV reality show celebrity couple has called it quits. Rocker, Travis Barker and his Playboy Playmate wife, Shanna Moakler, are splitting after less than two years of marriage. They follow in the paparazzi-plagued footsteps of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, as well as Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro.

Perhaps one way to maintain a good, stable marriage is to have your reality show camera crew turn off the cameras when those twins want to show you their admiration in your hotel room after the concert.

NBC is in talks to extend the "Today" show to four hours so the show would end at 11 a.m. instead of 10 a.m. Initially, the 3^rd hour of "Today" was created as counter-programming to ABC’s "Live with Regis and Kelly."

An additional hour is particularly exciting because that would give viewers an extra hour to NOT watch the show.

The thwarted terrorist attacks have created a heightened level of security in airports. People are no longer allowed to carry various liquids, gels or deodorants in their carry-on luggage onto airplanes.

New Yorkers are most prepped for these changes as air travel will now smell like good ol’ New York cabs.

Oscar winner Robin Williams’ publicist said that after 20 years of sobriety, he is seeking treatment for the following:

1. Alcoholism
2. Outdated impressions of Jimmy Stewart
3. Outdated impressions of Homosexual hair stylists
4. Outdated impressions of Black "soul brothas" from 1976.

As Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro prepare to divorce, Carmen’s ex-hubby of ten days, Dennis Rodman, has publicly declared that her still being in love with him is the reason that she is leaving Dave. Other possible reasons they are splitting:

5. Dave always using up the last of Carmen’s mascara without replacing it.
4. Dave getting his eyebrows arched without Carmen.
3 Dave piercing his nipple... AGAIN!
2. Dave receiving more male prisoner fan mail than Carmy.
1. Dave piercing his vagina... AGAIN!

Jessica Simpson’s mother furiously stopped a racy magazine photo shoot of her daughter in bed that her husband initially approved. Though Tina Simpson said the photos were slutty, her husband said Jessica, “... is just sexy. She’s got DD’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

At first Tina laughed at his comments, but was taken aback when he added, “And her ass is AMAZING!”

Madonna is planning to crucify herself on a mirrored cross during a concert just miles from the Vatican. Obviously the stunt has drawn ire from Catholic officials who have stated, “To crucify yourself in the city of the Pope is an act of open hostility”.

One official also added, “I just wish the bitch would stop wearing those awful, ‘Flashdance’ leotards.”

Katie Couric is getting a new set built for her "CBS Evening News" debut as well as a new theme song created by Oscar Award winning composer, James Horner.

Couric initially tried using singer Kelis’ “Milkshake” after learning that "The Today Show" was using The Pussy Cat Dolls’ “Don’t Cha” to welcome Meredith Viera.

The Africa Channel will make it’s debut August 1^st on Comcast Digital Cable in Washington, DC with such soon-to-be hits as: "Fly’s on Your Face Fear Factor," "Ivory Coast Idol," "Sex and the Long Titties," "Everybody Loves Umbweloechamba" and "So You think You Can Anyako Atsia."

As I am in California dealing with record-breaking, triple-digit temperatures, one thing is apparently clear to me: My ancestors must be from the SHADED part of Africa!