By next month, the war in Iraq will have lasted longer than did American fighting in World War II.  Upon hearing this, Bush responded, “Well, we could finish this a lot faster if they’d let us use those ovens.”

Republican Congressman Chuck Hagel is urging the President to find a new strategy in Iraq.  “The American people are not going to continue to support a policy that puts American troops in the middle of a civil war,” Hagel said.on CNN’s Late Edition. 

He also added, “If there’re senseless killing going on in Iraq, it’s gonna be Americans doing the senseless killing.  Otherwise, we gotta get out.”

Senator John Warner spoke on Face the Nation about how America needs to consider any strategy except one that would “let Iraq fall into a civil war.”  FALL into civil war? That’s like saying we can’t “let Tara Reid FALL into a state of drunken whoredom”.  Frankly, the window of opportunity has already passed.

Senators Chuck Hagel of Nebraska and John Warner of Virginia have joined the growing number of Republican Congressmen who are urging the President to find a new strategy in Iraq.  “Ideally this new strategy will involve never having actually gone in there,” says Hagel.  “Can we make that happen?”

As part of a $200 million a year advertising contract, the Army has a new slogan: “Army Strong.”

Just think, for only another $50 million, they probably could have bought a slogan with a verb.

After learning that Kim Jong-il had ordered and completed a test of North Korea’s nuclear weapons, Assistant Secretary of State, Christopher Hill was quoted as saying, “He’s really going to rue the day he made this decision.”  After that, Hill was also quoted as saying, “Rats!  Foiled again!” and “Jinkies!” 

It’s possible that our friends in the State Department watch a bit too much Rocky and Bullwinkle.

A recent intelligence assessment has concluded that the Iraq war has actually increased the terrorism threat to the United States.

Upon hearing this, Venezualan President, Hugo Chavez declared, "If we'd known that, we would have been in favor of this war from the beginning."

Police in Britain have a new plan to curb late-night noise outside of pubs---they’re giving lollipops to drinkers when they leave.  The hope is that, with the lollipop in their mouths, the drunkards will stop speaking loudly and incoherently and causing disturbances.

Upon hearing this, CNN's Headline News producers purchased thousands of lollipops to be given to Nancy Grace.