I have a huge bug problem in my apartment.  One morning I woke up and there was a roach on the pillow next to me.  I thought, "Oh God, did I just fuck Gregor Samsa?" This guy knows what I'm talking about.

My girlfriend hates video games.  She thinks that games like Grand Theft Auto make men disrespect women.  But I disagree, so you know what?  Fuck that ho.

I wish love were easier.  Meaning I wish women were easier.

But growing up in a mixed-robot neighborhood, I noticed things.  White robots are all like "1011011."  But black robots are all like "0100100!"  Right?  This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Even though I'm only half-Jewish, I still suffer from anti-semitism.  Just recently, I walked into a bathroom and written on the wall were the words, "I HATE JEWS."  And when I saw those words, I was so upset.  All I could think was, "Oh my God... I need to get new roommates."