Charles Darwin’s handwritten journals, which include his notes on evolution, have been posted on the Internet.  While the journals have great historical value, many scientists have been disappointed to find its original title: “Are you there God? It’s me, Darwin.”

I have trouble writing jokes sometimes.  For example, last night, I was writing, and I wrote, "My relationships are magic, because the women I date tend to disappear."

But then I realized how hacky and corny that joke is, right?  So I thought, and I came up with a punchline that is far more accurate and, I believe, funnier.  Here it is:

My relationships are magic, because the women I date tend to get sawed in half." 

According to CNN, after it moved through Florida, Tropical Storm Ernesto has weakened into a depression.  But, c'mon, Ernesto, you did a good job, don't be so hard on yourself.

According to the Guardian UK, many companies are no longer using the term "brainstorming" because it might be offensive to people with brain disorders.  Also banned?  Thinking.

I bumped into a girl at a club, she thought I was trying to dance with her.  She said, "I'm sorry, this ass ain't for you." I'm not sure how she wanted me to react: (Sigh), I guess my princess is in another castle.

According to Science magazine, researchers have discovered an enzyme in the brain that, when inhibited, can erase a person's memory.  Finally, a treatment for that age old problem called "catching your parents having sex."

According to CNN, Florida U.S. Representative Katherine Harris has said that seperation of church and state is, quote, "a lie ... because God is the one who chooses our rulers." Said God, "Don't blame me for this shit."

In a recent speech, President Bush has vowed to "learn the lessons of Katrina." But he still won't do the homework.