If I were a transgendered youth (and I am not saying I am not a youth), I might be confused by the likes of a flat chested she-boy with long flaxen locks. That said, I fear she may scar more than youth with gender identity issues with her dumb and dippy comments. Hudson started a sentence on national TV with “my publicist says” and then ends it with her describing her fetish for pole dancing. I should be impressed that she was able to string a sentence together, but I am still underwhelmed by her choice to then disclose that she was late for class in high school because she was getting a bikini wax. I cannot tell if she is trying too hard at being sexy or that she really is this trite. Either way, it was too much information. That and the fact that she wears barely any clothes to show off her prepubescent male chest. In the end, listening to her drivel on The Tonight Show drove home that someone with the brain the size of a pea can make 70 trillion times more than you and me.

I love these self-indulgent aphorisms you can find on iced tea bottle caps to labels on yoga pants, where washing instructions might otherwise be found. The aphorisms are best when they tell you how to be you, like "listen to YOUR instincts," except of course you have to listen to THEIR instincts. Or when the aphorism tells you how to be free and independent, by buying a bottle of overpriced, stale tea. I like when the bottle cap (or yoga pants) tells you to “Trust yourself and silence your inner critic”. But isn’t important to trust that inner critic? Isn’t that same potentially self hating inner critic also recommending you NOT look to bottle caps for advice. Oh well, I suppose one bottle cap can’t hurt....

Here are my favorite for now and if you find other aphorisms send them my way. Also maybe leave your contact info, so I can let the nearest mental health facility know where to find you.

"Self-contempt merely keeps us miserable and stuck in our mediocrity." (Actually mediocrity keeps you stucuk in mediocrity, self-contempt is just the realistic response to being mediocre. For eg, Lindsay Lohan is a mediocre actor and self-contempt would be a realistic response. Her having anal sex till she bleeds with every B list actor is like a lateral move on the self loathing scale. )

"If we were to make only one change to transform the quality of our lives, we might try sending a little love our own way." (We could also work on health care, inflation and maybe that little war thingy dingy before we start wasting money on roses. I really think this quote is basically saying you will have to spank your own monkey anyway, so just cut out the whole crush, spending money on dates etc...)

“A critic is a legless man who teaches running.” (This jack ass is not only nonsensical, but he is making fun of poor legless men. Definitely seems critical to me, I wouldn't want him at some Sally and Sherman Buttersworth Senior Center family picnic.)