Dyslexic shoppers all around the world freak out. Ikea share's drop as they predict record losses this quarter

Items topping the list are metal badge polish, shoe lifts, red trouser stripes and extra small condoms

...and Orthopedic Shoes

I just turned Thirty today and was informed by my Roommate that in dog years I`d be dead!

I have now begun counting backwards to the below event

Tabby, pictured above in the process of being being stuffed and mounted , passed away this morning to the mild dismay of its homosexual owners. When reached for comment they replied "What, Tabby or the musical?? like whatever and stuff!!"

Note: I know I could have done something with "Homosexual Owners" and "Stuffed and Mounted" but chose not to. The headless kitten (See Below) is bad enough.

Anyone who has seen my act knows Im already going to hell. This photo I edited is just double booking the flight

Due to constant harassment from male fans while promoting her latest album, Beyonce Knowles has traded in her security detail for a more effective approach. She has currently hired Two Cock Blockers

Pope Benedict XVI 3.9L Turbo Engine w/ 385 Brake Horse Power is to meet with top Muslim Envoys later this week in a bid to sit down face to face and share mutual respect for each others invisible friend

Also being discussed on the agenda will be The Tooth Fairy, The Boogey Man, Santa Claus and Space Aliens  

A new Species of bird was discovered during the week in upstate New York. Scientists are saying it’s in a class of its own which they are now calling "Upper Class". It differs from other birds by being more right wing, flamingly homosexual and generally acting like it thinks its better than everybody else

Can be distinguished from other birds by its "Smokers Chirp"

(Not one of my best but I just cant stop laughing at this picture!) 

(Below) Irish News Anchor Ann Doyle discussing downed power lines in a Dublin suburb. If you don’t understand what’s going on it's your problem

(Below) Average Fox News headline reaching out to the lowest common intellectual denominator. If you don’t understand what’s going on there is no hope for you