Christians are outraged that the vice president's lesbian daughter is pregnant. Said one, "Plus we're against abortion. How are we supposed to win this one?"

50 Cent has accused Oprah of becoming a white woman after catering to them for so long. "Now if you'll excuse me," said the rap star, "I gotta lip-synch 'What up Gansta' on 'TRL.'"

Comedian Andy Dick told an entire audience at the LA Improv they were “n*ggers.” Explained Dick, “Season 4 of NewsRadio recently came out on DVD.”

The Navy Times says the Pentagon's “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on homosexuals has “failed.” Explained one officer, “Ever since Rosie came out, I can totally tell.”

President Bush says he talks to his Dad about, "things between a father and a son."

He elaborated, "You know, like, how if he'd hugged me as a child, I wouldn't have invaded Iraq."

Fourteen people were hospitalized after contracting the E. coli virus at a Taco Bell. Said one, "That's the last time I order the Y Colita."

K-Fed is developing a reality show based on his life, post-Britney. The show’s tentative title is, "Who Used To be A Millionaire.”