The Chinese Military has begun using Segway Scooters.

I think it's a bad idea to have an army that can be immobilized by building a six inch curb.

Dutch-Born Super-Model Karen Mulder was arrested in Paris, France for allegedly threatening her plastic surgeon.

Even though I think it's horrible for someone to threaten another human being with bodily harm.

After seeing what this plastic surgeon did to poor Karen Mulder I think she was totally justified.

Sarah Jessica Parker (the girl from Sex In The City) and Matthew Broderick (the guy who killed two people in Ireland) just had twins... I saw the photo and I thought it was triplets but one baby turned out to be SJP's nose.

Steve Jobs returns to work this week after undergoing liver transplant surgery.

He plans on getting to work on Apples newest project the I-Liver.  The new I-Liver will perform all the functions of the human liver will also play music and video.

The really exciting part of the new I-Liver will be the Applications written by 3rd party software developers that will allow the I-Liver to perform a limitless number of functions previously performed by other organs.

Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and Ed McMahon all show up in heaven on the same day and Saint Peter greets them at the pearly gates, first he sees Farrah and he says, "Tell me what you did with your life."

Farrah says, "I never really did anything all that worthy, I was a TV and movie Actress."

Peter takes out the 1976 Poster of Farrah in the red bikini and he says, "This poster touched many young males in the 70s and 80s and helped guide them through adolescence... That's enough."

Next Michael comes up and Peter asks him, "What have you done worthwhile in your life?"

Having overheard Farrah he answers Peter by saying that he too had touched many young males in the 70's and 80s.

Peter takes out the 1982 "Thriller" album and says, "This album has sold more copies than any other album in the history of music. It went on to change music and inspire countless artists... that's enough."

Ed's next in line, and Peter asks him, "Well Ed, What have you done with your life?"

Ed figures he's a shoe in. He says I entertained millions on The Johnny Carson Show and TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes, I was a philanthropist and gave to charity. I was a good man.

 Peter takes out a publisher's clearing house envelope with Ed's picture on it and you may already be a winner scrawled across it.

 Peter says, "I must have collected thosands of these over the years... THAT'S ENOUGH!"

And that's how Ed ended up in hell.

Judge ordered Guantanamo detainee freed.  Abd al Rahim Abdul Rassak quoted as saying, "I'm going to Disney World... and then I'm going to blow it up."

Neo-Nazi group adopt-a-highway in Missouri promising to make it the cleanest, whitest, most supreme patch of highway in the state.

State renames road after WWII Rabbi who escaped Nazis saying, "hah, take that Neo-Nazis."

Earthquake jolts Alaskas most populated area... Sara Palin blames David Letterman and the left leaning media.

Barack Obama, a smoker, signs the most sweeping anti tobacco legislastion ever... in related news... Barack Obama, a black man, is also planning to sign legislation to repeal the 13th ammendment.

Chris Brown Pleads guilty to Felony assault.  I think Chris could have plead temporary insanity.  I know after hearing that stupid umbrella song I went insane and wanted to beat the shit out of Rhianna.