Inspired by Ted Haggard, he is open to discussing his "Modern Republican Lifestyle."

Shaquille O'Neal is one of the NBA stars who recently complained about the new game ball that was chosen to replace the old leather one.

O'Neal also bitched about banging his head on doorways, having to buy circus tents for pants, and only being able to have sex with a gal on top.

Former Rep. Mark Foley, 52, resigned from Congress last week after he was confronted with sending sexually explicit e-mail and instant messages to teenage male congressional pages.

I managed to get transcripts of these messages. Here is the first of many text messages the Florida Republican sent "Chad," a tasty and spry boy:

MF - So, you got a smooth, hairless bottom?

Chad - Kinda LOL.

MF - Kinda? We need to get that peach fuzz off, ASAP.

Chad - Cool ;)

Through his lawyer, Foley has said he is gay but denied any sexual contact with minors. He also said he doesn't care whether a young, delicious boy is clean-shaven or hairy.

The top grossing film this week was "Invincible," about a football player played by Mark Wahlberg.

This is not to be confused with "Invisible," a movie about Keira Knightley's breasts.

John Mark Karr has been cleared in the 1996 murder of JonBenet Ramsey.

He is now available to star in the next season of "Surreal Life."

Scientists downgraded Pluto from a planet to a "dwarf planet."

Angry Pluto residents attribute the decision to quote, "Jewish media influence."

There is already talk about a sequel to the exciting film "Snakes On A Plane."

The title? "Rats In My Bum."

The star?

The co-star?