Overheard in the ‘hood: A dean at a Washington Heights high school tells a girl to get to class. She replies, “Obama says I don’t have to.”

From a teacher at the school: “The celebrating today has been out of control. Kids are certain that now there will be no testing, there will be legalized pot, and relaxed drug laws as far as punishment is concerned. Meanwhile, the 14-year-old girls of Washington Heights will be celebrating Obama’s victory by getting pregnant.”

Upon hearing that Barack Obama won the American election, hundreds of would-be undocumented workers approaching the U.S. border turned around and headed back to Mexico. Indeed, Obama’s plans to bankrupt the country are secretly his solution to unchecked immigration.

Barack Obama has won the election, and African-Americans across the country are cheering, jumping, and crying tears of happiness. You'd think O.J. just got acquitted. 

The bad news is that Obama won. The good news? John McCain lost.

Barack Obama's Kenyan family has announced that when Obama wins, they will sacrifice bulls, chickens and goats to honor the victory.

And we thought Jimmy Carter had some embarrassing relatives.

Reports have surfaced about a baby doll that utters various gibberish including “Islam is the light.”

People, you don’t want this thing in your house. Remember what happened the last time there was a serial killer doll on the market:

San Francisco [could] become the first major U.S. city to decriminalize prostitution if voters next month approve Proposition K—a measure that forbids local authorities from investigating, arresting or prosecuting anyone for selling sex.

I guess the old hippie whores got tired of giving it away for free.

In which case I think it's only fair if the Democrats add the War on Drugs to their platform. Why should only their unsolvable bogus causes get the spotlight? 

"Vote for Obama."

Schumer visits South Florida to tell of Obama's support for Israel

New York Sen. Charles "Chuck" Schumer urged Jewish voters across South Florida on Sunday to back Barack Obama's presidential bid, touting the Democratic nominee's record on Israel..."Right now I'm 120 percent for Obama," said [66-year-old Michael] Eibeschitz.

Let's not play games. What I was suggesting -- you're absolutely right that John McCain has not talked about my Muslim faith.

Basically, if Louis Farrakhan were running as a Democrat and Joe Lieberman were running as a Republican, Chuck Schumer -- or as I call him for short, Schmuck -- would tell Jews to vote for Farrakhan. And they would.

Then again, the Jewish vote for Obama in Florida makes sense, since that's where old Jews go to die. And since euthanasia is illegal, they figure they'll just vote for Obama instead.

That's really not a nice thing to call Cindy McCain.