Today Hugh Jackman was named Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine, celebrity bloggers and legions of female comic book fans who fancy excessive bodyhair.

In Bucks County, PA, a naked man has been grabbing joggers and holding them in a bear hug before fleeing. Here in San Francisco, these incidents go unreported to police and occur on days ending in "y".

...because the quality control people couldn't remember tasting anything.

...it's important to remember that you cannot be fired. It's called a "downsizing of workforce" or a "reduction in headcount" or "the crazy lady with the chihuahua in a tutu go bye-bye"...

I just received a junk mail in my inbox that said, "Learn to read today!" Great idea! I'll read my e-mails instead of what I usually do - stare cluelessly at the pretty Hotmail screen. Once I'm literate, I'll be able to read the scripts when I record my podcasts for the deaf.

Obama inauguration tickets are going for $21,000 each. Instead, I'm scalping all of my tickets for a seat next to Oprah and a raincoat with padded shoulders. My fame will cost more per minute than Sarah Palin's wardrobe.

Barack Obama launched a new website tracking his progress before taking office at www.change.gov, which is shorter than the original name, www.BeGoneEvilPuppetsOfCheney.over.