AP NEWS: Saddam Hussein mother was prevented from entering USA by custom officials. Reason officials stated "She is Butt Ugly." And we already passed the quota for uglies for the day.

Since Leaving office, President Bush has lost a lot of his stress and looks younger but his old habits are coming back up says an unidentified source.

Photo Of Bush:  At Last Weeks World Summit of Former Presidential Assholes in Austria.

AP NEWS:  The annual Earth Day gathering at Rose Bud, California, worshippers gathered and praised Mother Earth and also took a big hit of her. It was a joyous occasion, said the man in blue. I just felt happy all inside.

RUSSIA (AP) - Helped by North Korea Russia is now on-line with Internet access.

Shown in picture is President of North Korea teaching a skeptical Russian Peasant the use of the latest Korean Internet Technology.

Why do we always have the wrong people holding office when they are truly needed?

Imelda Marcos wants to offload billions of dollars in frozen assets and hidden gold bullions to "save the world".

The former first lady sent a letter to US President Barack Obama about her desire to use her family fortune that her husband stole from the Philippines to help stimulate the world economy, lawyer Oliver Lozano told The Star. What she did not tell the President that her husband stealing all that money made the Philippines one of the poorest and most corrupt nations on the planet.

If they Obama agrees she will tell him the secret location of the gold, it is buried somewhere near the port of Somalia, marked by an X, between two trees, a hut and a bunch of bullets.

Marcos has invited US First Lady Michelle Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as guests at her birthday party as well as Batman and Robin. Former dictator Ferdinand Marcos had amassed an estimated $35 billion in alleged ill-gotten wealth.

Picture: Hillary already getting dressed for event. Batman and Robin have declined but the Joker will be attending if he can get a weekend pass from

Gautama Bay.

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After a 500 billion dollar study the Pentagon announced the main reason we have not made much progress in the war on IRAQ is that soldiers have to carry to much gear, and it’s hot.

The Pentagon study  recommended lighter boots, and adding a 40 pound air-conditioning units to the soldiers helmets.

Picture: Soldier on patrol in Iraq. 

Hackers Quarterly Magazine 2600 reported hackers will be included in the bailout plan because there is less money to electronically steal due to the recession. 

The only glitch is the bailout money will be deposited to a Swiss Bank account, roughly 1 Billion. The first to hack it wins.

Picture: Hackers celebrating with the news of the bailout inclusion for them.

Phelps issued a statement saying "I'm sorry, we all make mistakes."  Kellogg would not buy the apology and said we cannot have someone endorse our products that admits to making a mistake. Kellogg said what kind of example would that show to children.

Photo at right is of a young Michael Phelps with his loving Dad. His dad was saddened by the news, but said Michael is a grown man now and I cannot speak for him any longer.

NEW YORK  —  A colossal snake about the length of a school bus slithered about South America's rainforests some 60 million years ago, according to an analysis of the skeletal remains of what is now considered the largest snake ever identified.

The gigantic ancient snake was 43 feet long, weighed 2,500 pounds and ate crocodiles for breakfast. 

According to scientists the snake still exists, but has changed its name to Wall Street.