...4 Wisconsin women were charged with assault after confronting a married man they had all been seeing.  The women were charged after Krazy gluing the man's genitals to his stomach.  A lawyer for the women wouldnt comment on the case, but admitted they were in a sticky situation.   

...Police said a human jawbone found during yardwork is from a person who died between 200-1000 years ago.  Anthropologists believe the jawbone was from a woman because it was still flapping. 

...Paul McCartney dedicated his song "Michelle" to Mrs. Obama at his Washington concert.  Mrs. Obama said she was flattered, and always has been a big Beatle fan.  But her favorite Beatle is and always was Bingo. 

...Las Vegas continues to come up with interesting promotions in order to attract business.  I stopped at a gas station next to a gentleman's club that advertised "Free Sex w/ Fill-up."  I pulled up next to the pump, paid the attractive attendant, and was given a ticket that i could redeem around the back of the station.  When I got there there was a big, burly, gnarly looking dude by the door.  I asked him if he was the ticket taker and he replied, "No.  I'm Philip."

...3 Napa Valley winery workers were arrested and charged with destroying a newly budding crop of a neighboring winery in order to increase the value of their wine.  The 3 were charged with Statutory Grape.

...a South Carolina man was arrested for having sex with a horse while on probation for the same offense with the same horse.  The man was being held without bale, and was ordered to register with the sex crimes unit and the Humane Society. 

Chia, the makers of the famous Chia pets, are now selling the Obama Chia.  Just spread the seeds on his head, water them, and watch him grow.  The Obama Chia symbolizes hope, change, and a total waste of $12.95. 

...Charles Manson wants to record an album of classic songs and has asked fellow inmate Phil Spector to produce it.  Manson wants to release a single from the proposed album and has chosen his favorite song, "Killing Me Softly (With His Knife)" 

...Congress failed to pass a health initiative before going on summer break...they promise to address the issue this fall when they re-convene for their annual Running of the Bullshit.

... questions and theories abound as to what killed Michael Jackson...was it murder, was it suicide, or was it something else?....the investigation continues, but for now everything is all autopsy-turvy.