...Yoko Ono has stated that she will never marry again or date.  She said she is quite content in an Onogamous relationship. 

...a former Radio City Music Hall Chorus Line dancer has fulfilled her lifelong dream of becomming a NASA engineer.  When asked how difficult making the transition was, she replied, "It was easy.  It's not exactly Rockette Science." 

...it didnt take much work for 2 county sheriffs' deputies to track down 4 burglary suspects.  The suspects pulled into the Happy Chef's restaurant, where the deputies were on coffee break.  The deputies became suspicious when the 4 men ordered the "All-You-Can-Eat-Bread & Water" Special. 

...from his prison cell, Bernie Madoff has broken his silence and explained why he felt the need to embezzle $50 billion from his clients.  It seems it was all a part of Bernie's Economic Skimulus Plan. 

...after his recent outburst at the VMA awards, kanye west is now the first entertainer to be #1 on the charts while still being "#2"... 

...Jenna Jameson says she knew she would be a porn star as far back as high school, when she was voted "Most Likely To Suck Seed." 

...Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich attended the Illinois state fair where he did a karaoke impression of Elvis.  His supporters were glad to see Blago do the "early" Elvis impression when he sang "Hound Dog."  His detractors were hoping to see Blago do the "late" Elvis impression where he would be in a box six feet under.  

...2 Queens New York retirees have developed a new social networking site for senior citizens.  The site has been operational for a couple of weeks now.  Joan Rivers was the first celebrity to sign up.  The site can be found by going to www.faceliftbook.com 

Robert Kennedy's son Joe says he will not run for uncle Ted's Senate seat because he is not qualified yet to fill his shoes.  Joe says he will only run after attending more town hall meetings, familiarize himself with the issues, and develops a drinking problem. 

...Jaycee Dugard, who has been missing since being kidnapped at age 11, has broken her silence and has explained how she has spent the last 18 years.  "For the first 6 years, I was kept in a tent behind my kidnapper's house.  The last 12 years, I have been waiting in line at the DMV."