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"ATTENTION:"

January 1, 2010
Nowhere, Nowhere, NY

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Biography

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I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at [more]

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245 Jokes  

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Federal employees charged millions on credit cards By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 9, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Congress 246 Jokes  2 Videos

Federal employees charged millions of dollars for Internet dating, tailor-made suits, lingerie, lavish dinners and other questionable expenses to their government credit cards over a 15-month period, congressional auditors say. At the State Department, one credit-card holder bought $360 worth of women’s lingerie at Seduction Boutique for use during jungle training by trainees of a drug enforcement program in Ecuador. Apparently, the cross-dressing drug trade is rampant in Ecuador. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Small Earthquake Hits South Texas By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 7, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Texas 289 Jokes  4 Videos

FALLS CITY, Texas (AP) - A small earthquake awoke residents in south Texas, but there are no reported injuries... ...other than minor abrasions suffered by Kevin James when he fell. (yeah, hack to the max, but I couldn't resist) Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Ticket giveaway steals Bill Clinton's thunder By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 3, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Bill Clinton 265 Jokes  8 Videos

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. -- As former President Bill Clinton was extolling his wife's credentials, Obama's campaign office in Bloomington began giving away tickets to Sunday's Dave Matthews concert at Assembly Hall. Bill Clinton is now planning on giving away gift certificates for escort services. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Eight glasses of water not beneficial By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 3, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Bar 694 Jokes  20 Videos

The idea that drinking eight glasses of water a day is good for your health has been dismissed as a myth. Other research findings: - eight glasses of beer will make you drunk - eight glasses of spoiled milk will make you sick - viewing only three movies starring Rob Schneider will drive you insane Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Botox May Move From Face to Brain By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 3, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Plastic Surgery 70 Jokes  2 Videos

(Bloomberg) -- Botulinum neurotoxin type A, sold as Allergan Inc.'s Botox remedy for wrinkles, can move from its injection site to the brain, a study shows. I didn't know that Sean Penn received botox. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Steve Miller band to tour again By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 1, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Hollywood 175 Jokes  8 Videos

HOLLYWOOD, Calif., March 31 /PRNewswire/ -- One of the original jam bands, the Steve Miller Band emerged from San Francisco's summer of love with a distinct sound that has proven to be timeless. Still a mainstay of the summer concert season, the band will launch a 37-city North American tour on May 24th in West Palm Beach, FL. The 64-year-old band leader stated, "I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight-get-up-to-pee-for-the-third-time toker." Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Nipple rings fall foul of airport check By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Mar 28, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Airport 444 Jokes  17 Videos

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A woman who claims she was ordered by federal airport screeners to remove her nipple rings with pliers demanded an apology from the U.S. Transportation Security Administration on Thursday. Al Queda will now have to re-think their plan to wear breast grenades. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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7 Russian Cult Members Emerge From Cave By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Mar 28, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Russia 140 Jokes  2 Videos

MOSCOW (AP) - Seven members of a Russian cult awaiting the end of the world emerged Friday night and were being treated by emergency workers, regional officials said. After hearing that the U.S. Democratic presidential primary hasn't ended yet, they re-entered the cave. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Famous Hijacker's Parachute Found? By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Mar 27, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Seattle 52 Jokes  1 Videos

SEATTLE - A parachute which may have belonged to the famous hijacker D.B. Cooper, who jumped from a plane in 1971, was found in southwest Washington state. His luggage, however, is still missing. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (3)  |  Rate it:

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Oldest Voice Recording Found By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Mar 27, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

Researchers found the oldest known recording of the human voice in France earlier this week. When played back, it roughly translated into English as, "Surrender at all costs!" Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it: