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"ATTENTION:"

January 1, 2010
Nowhere, Nowhere, NY

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Biography

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I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at [more]

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245 Jokes  

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Students To Get Cash For Passing AP Tests By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 16, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic School 933 Jokes  35 Videos

WATERBURY, Conn. (AP) ― Students who pass Advanced Placement tests at Wilby High School in Waterbury will be getting hard cold cash rewards. The students who pass their final AP tests next year will earn $100 for themselves for every test they pass. Students will also receive $50 for coming to class, $25 for brushing their teeth, $15 for bathing, and gold medals for waking up each day. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Cruise Liner with its own "Central Park" By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 16, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic New York City 332 Jokes  42 Videos

The world's biggest cruise liner is to have a New York-style "Central Park" on the ship, its owners have revealed. Applications are now being accepted for muggers, flashers, and drug dealers. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Trestling - Tetris combined with Arm Wrestling By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 16, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Wrestling 70 Jokes  2 Videos

Somebody has invented a game that combines the video game Tetris with arm wrestling, called "Trestling". Really. They are now trying to combine the Rubics cube with mixed martial arts, called "Kill-the-Nerd-With-the-Rubics-Cube". Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Arab literature steals show at London Book Fair By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 16, 2008 Category: News

Arabic writers were thrust into the spotlight at the London Book Fair this week, as the British capital's annual festival showcased the literary talents of the Arab World. The most popular book was "Bombmaking for Dummies". Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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'CSI: Miami' stalker sought By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 16, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Miami 112 Jokes  6 Videos

VIENNA, Austria (AP) - Austrian authorities searched Wednesday for a woman who failed to appear for the start of her trial on charges of stalking and threatening to kill "CSI: Miami" star David Caruso. They are hopeful that fiber samples, fingerprints, and Starbucks coffee splatter patterns will lead them to the woman. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Legally blind golfer gets hole-in-one By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 11, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Golf 175 Jokes  4 Videos

GREEN VALLEY, Ariz. - An 85-year-old legally blind golfer from southern Arizona made a hole-in-one this week on a par-3 course. Robert Dunham accomplished the feat on the third hole at Tortuga in Green Valley. Unfortunately, he was aiming for the 2nd hole. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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NYPD to Start Random Steroid Testing By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 9, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Steroid 117 Jokes  1 Videos

NEW YORK (AP) - The New York Police Department will soon begin randomly testing its 36,000 officers for steroid abuse in light of allegations that a criminal ring was supplying the drug to pumped-up officers. Authorities became suspicious when, in a fit of roid-rage, an officer cut the Chrysler building in half with his night stick. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Soup Mix Recalled By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 9, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Dirty Mouth 2100 Jokes  60 Videos

_ North Aire Market is recalling 99 boxes of chicken dumpling soup mix because they might contain undeclared traces of almonds. People who have an allergy to this ingredient run the risk of serious or life- threatening allergic reactions if they consume the product. Undeclared traces of rodent droppings, cockroach legs, and pubic hairs were not raising concerns because they are not considered to be significant allergens. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Egypt sentences 5 men for homosexuality By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 9, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Gay and Lesbian 503 Jokes  23 Videos

CAIRO, Egypt - An Egyptian court convicted five men Wednesday on charges of homosexual behavior and sentenced them to three years in prison, officials said. Wouldn't they have to serve time in a women's prison for the sentence to be considered punishment? Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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New anti-terror weapon: Hand-held lie detector By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 9, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Hillary Clinton 252 Jokes  11 Videos

U.S. troops in Afghanistan this month will receive a new tool that the Pentagon says will help them root out potential terrorists — a hand-held lie detector. Hillary Clinton announced she has cancelled her trip to meet with U.S. troops in Afghanistan. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it: