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"ATTENTION:"

January 1, 2010
Nowhere, Nowhere, NY

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Biography

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I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at [more]

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245 Jokes  

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World population to hit 7 billion in 2012 By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Jun 20, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Washington 373 Jokes  7 Videos

breitbart.com — WASHINGTON - The world's population will reach 7 billion in 2012 even as the global community struggles to satisfy its appetite for natural resources according to a new government projection. Starbucks will open it's one-billionth store in 2013. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Chicago Mayor to Address Ethics Institute By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Jun 17, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Chicago 205 Jokes

MINNEAPOLIS, Minn., June 17 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- The Society of Corporate Compliance and Ethics (SCCE) announced today that Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley will address the 7th Annual Compliance & Ethics Institute, being held from September 14-17, at the Sheraton Chicago Hotel & Towers, Chicago, IL. Isn't having a Chicago Mayor address an ethics institute like having a wino address a sobriety institute? Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Amy Winehouse Hospitalized By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Jun 16, 2008 Category: Entertainment

From Hot Topic Amy Winehouse 72 Jokes

Amy Winehouse has been hospitalized after fainting in a London home. A spokesperson said she was taken to the hospital 'as a precaution,' but no information on her condition is available. Rumors of a massive oriole infestation are being verified at press time. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Red Wine May Slow Aging By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Jun 5, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

Red wine may be much more potent than was thought in extending human lifespan, researchers say in a new report that is likely to give impetus to the rapidly growing search for longevity drugs. If you drink enough, you either don't care, or don't notice, just how old you are. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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US accused of holding terror suspects on ships By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Jun 2, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic United States 4116 Jokes  60 Videos

The United States is operating "floating prisons" to house those arrested in its war on terror, according to human rights lawyers, who claim there has been an attempt to conceal the numbers and whereabouts of detainees. The original plan was for the suspects to be held on commercial planes, but they were already overbooked with regular customers held on tarmacs. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Michigan Girl Scout sells 17,328 boxes of cookies By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: May 22, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Detroit 163 Jokes

DETROIT—A Girl Scout sold 17,328 boxes of the group's signature cookies this year by setting up shop on a street corner, shattering her troop's old mark and probably setting a national record. A Girl Scout spokesperson stated that the adjacent marijuana shop was entirely coincidental. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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Officer's Gun Goes Off By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: May 21, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Cop 1357 Jokes  15 Videos

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. - A firearms instructor has been assigned to other duties after his gun accidentally went off while teaching a class on weapons safety. Officer Barney Fife III was not injured in the incident and stated that he thought the bullet was still in his shirt pocket. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Robot conducts Detroit Symphony By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: May 15, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Detroit 163 Jokes

Al Gore impressed the audience while conducting "Global Warming Blues" Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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Man Ticketed For Wearing Speedo On Beach By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: May 12, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Rosie O'Donnell 69 Jokes

Just be glad is wasn't Rosie Odonnell being ticketed for wearing a string bikini. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

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300 Frozen Cats Found in Home By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: May 7, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Animal 1056 Jokes  34 Videos

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - Police say they have discovered 300 dead cats stuffed into freezers at a man's home. "No Comment" was the answer received from a company spokesman when asked about reports that the man was a regional food distributor for Taco Bell. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it: