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Steve Knowles
Steve Knowles
"I didn't think telling just one joke at my aunt's funeral was crossing the line"

Beacon, NY

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Biography
I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at [more]

Steve Knowles says:
You suck!

(I heckle myself when I'm bored)
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Mona Lisa as a standup comic
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245 Jokes  

Steve Knowles
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 Mind Reading Used to Detect Terrorists

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Sep 24, 2008
Category: News  

Homeland Security is now testing the next generation of security screening — a body scanner that can read your mind.

The device flashes and beeps when detecting thoughts of at least 19 virgins.

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Steve Knowles
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 Gambler's $20M lawsuit against casinos tossed

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Sep 22, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Gambling
84 Jokes  1 Videos

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. - A federal judge has dismissed a $20 million racketeering lawsuit against seven casinos by a former New York City attorney who said they had a duty to stop her from gambling.

The judge was giving 37 to 1 odds that there would be a successful appeal.

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Steve Knowles
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 The Dead, Allmans will play at Obama benefit

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Sep 19, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Barack Obama
882 Jokes  28 Videos

The Greatful Dead and the Allman Brothers will play at a fundraiser event at Penn State University.

It seems appropriate, since dead voters will be voting for Obama in November, at least in Chicago.

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Steve Knowles
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 Darwin Award Nominee

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Sep 18, 2008
Category: News  

Man killed while trying to steal copper cable carrying 11,000 volts

Times Online

A man was killed trying to steal a copper cable which was carrying 11,000 volts, an inquest heard today.

Kirk John Thompson was electrocuted at the derelict Panteg steelworks, in Pontypool, South Wales, when his bolt croppers pierced the plastic coating of a cable still connected to the National Grid.


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Steve Knowles
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 German scientists discover 120 million year-old ant

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Sep 16, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Dating
571 Jokes  38 Videos

BERLIN (Reuters) - German biologists have discovered a new species of ant they believe is the oldest on the planet, dating back around 120 million years.

The ant was found on a 130-million-year-old twinkie.

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Steve Knowles
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 Funding crucial for beach cleanup

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Aug 22, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Long Beach
5 Jokes

Asbury Park Press, August 22, 2008

Plans to execute a $17 million cleanup of unexploded munitions from the sands of Long Beach Island, New Jersey, remain on hold, though officials say they are confident the project will be completed.

To save money, the beach will be detonated during next year's Fourth of July festivities.

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Steve Knowles
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 Documents: Julia Child part of WWII-era spy ring

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Aug 13, 2008
Category: News  

She said it was tough keeping the miniature microphone from burning up in spinach souffles.

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Steve Knowles
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 WW1-era vomiting weapon found

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Jul 9, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Washington
373 Jokes  7 Videos

— Officials running the cleanup of World War I-era chemical munitions buried in Washington's Spring Valley neighborhood have recovered a new military compound at the current excavation. Dan Noble, project manager for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers project, says they found a sealed glass test tube on June 13 that contained traces of a military vomiting agent known as DA. The chemical was sent to the Armys chemical station at Edgewood, Md.

Why don't they just serve BLTs, with Mexican tomatoes, to the enemy.

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Steve Knowles
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 Obama to expand Bush's faith based programs

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Jul 1, 2008
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Barack Obama
882 Jokes  28 Videos

It's only natural, since Obama is relying so heavily on voter's faith that he is qualified to be president.

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Steve Knowles
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 Supermodel Jumps to Her Death

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Jun 30, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

New York City
332 Jokes  42 Videos

NEW YORK (AP) - A European Vogue cover model fell to her death from her Manhattan apartment building Saturday in an apparent suicide, published reports said.

Apparently, she wasn't so super after all.

(yeah, sick joke, but I HAD to post it)

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