Bill Clinton plans to visit Capitol Hill today to discuss health care legislation with Senate Democrats.  Clinton wants to be sure that any health care bill covers STD testing.

In this updated 3-D version of the Dickens classic, cold-hearted Scrooge is played by Jim Carrey.  Carrey got the role after it was turned down by Dick Cheney.

The laid-off worker said he will file for unemployment.  

In a desperate measure to get votes, Speaker Nancy Pelosi offered to give fence-sitting Congressmen a lap dance.

In related news, a developer said a proposed wind farm site near DC is too windy because of its proximity to Joe Biden.

Finishing in close second was Octomom.

If the artist ever wants to move to the United States, he will find plenty of manure in Washington to sculpt every member of Congress.

President Barack Obama assured American Indians that they have a place  on his agenda, telling tribal leaders they deserve more from their government.   Tribal leaders told the President they need more funding for such things as education, health care, and slot machines.

President Barack Obama signed a joint resolution of the Senate and the House that made Casimir Pulaski an honorary citizen, 230 years after the Polish nobleman died fighting for the American colonies against the British.   In a statement released today, Senator John McCain said, "It was a privilege and honor for me to fight along side this brave man."

 New York City will celebrate the Yankees' 27th World Series title with a celebration parade today.  Parade confetti will consist of ticker tape, newspaper, and shredded Mets' season tickets.