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Dave Houston
Dave Houston
"If it's not Scottish, it's sober."

Austin, TX

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Biography
I'm a silky smooth, neurotic mess. But I clean up nice.

I'm a standup comedian, yet I'm not really a standup comedian. I'm more of a comedy writer with a microphone. Yes, that's right, the worst kind of hack imaginable. So, If I end up dead in a ditch, start questioning all "road warrior" comics immediately.

For more clips and other me-related stuff, go to http://myspace.com/dhcomedy.

Chris Crash says:

Thanks for the comment.

Dave Houston says:

Thanks. They tolerate me, they really, really tolerate me!

Punchline Magazine says:

congrats on being a guest star!
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Dave Houston
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Burn a Blunt Like Beckham

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Aug 6, 2007
Category: Sports  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

David Beckham

22 Jokes

I'm a huge soccer fan, I love Major League Soccer, it's finally getting some notice here in the US. Even with David Beckham coming over, though, it still isn't as big as football and baseball. I'm just hoping and praying that very soon, Beckham will be caught holding a dimebag while shooting up steroids with his fifteen illegitimate kids in the basement where he runs his illegal cockfights.

That's when we'll know, beyond any shadow of doubt, that Soccer has arrived as a major American sport.

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Dave Houston
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Searching for 238

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Aug 5, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Utah

42 Jokes

A group of researchers at UT just published a study of the 237 reasons why people have sex. I'm not making that up. Their findings? The top ten reasons were just variations on "Because people are horny". Again, no lie. Read the report. Those were their findings. "Because people are horny".


Among the remaining 227 reasons were:


73. Because this dick's not gonna suck itself.


124. If I don't, the terrorists win!


198. I've done worse things to pay the rent.


201. Cousins, shmousins.


218. Father O'Malley said it would bring me closer to God.


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Dave Houston
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What's a "VIP Room", Daddy?

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Aug 5, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Stripper

99 Jokes  1 Videos

Apparently there's a new device to help remind parents not to leave their kids in the car. An alarm sounds 10 warning beeps if the driver gets too far away from the vehicle, and beeps continuously if the driver doesn't return within one minute.

Hmph. Like I'm gonna be able to hear that beep once I'm inside the strip club.

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Dave Houston
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Kids Say the Darndest Things.

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Aug 5, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Lindsay Lohan

106 Jokes  2 Videos

Memo to Lindsay Lohan:

Seriously? "Oh, that's, uh, not my coke."

If it didn't work for Puss n' Boots in Shrek II, it ain't gonna work for you.

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Dave Houston
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Some forms of animal abuse are less obvious.

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Aug 5, 2007
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Michael Vick

100 Jokes  1 Videos

If Michael Vick goes to jail, fine; but it'll still be a travesty of justice if they don't give whoever made all those "Air Bud" movies life in prison.

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