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Sam Vargo
"- there's never enough time to waste doing all the idiotic things I don't need to do."
Yip Yap, SK
      
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I like to share jokes on Daily Comedy.
Hey, some people enjoy solving crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles or even cutting out paper mache' dolls or doing bonzai. I wish I could trade my joke writing hobby in for a craft like needlestitch, scrap-booking or even coloring in coloring books. Or, perhaps even collecting dead bugs - now these are some worthwhile avocations, I'm telling you!!!
WHY YOU SHOULD HATE ME - All jokes and material here right now are Copyright of Samuel S. Vargo, ALL RIGHTS [more]
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An uncle of a very dysfunctional family called his three favorite nephews to his death-bed side and informed them that each were to receive $1 million in cold, hard cash. They were all total life losers and each had some nasty vice to contend with. One nephew was an alcoholic, another was a drug addict and the third was a compulsive gambler.
The alcoholic nephew started heavy drinking immediately. He bought a little airplane so nobody would bother him in the clouds. He loaded the thing up with cases of assorted types of booze. Unfortunately, he ended his life by flying his brand new Piper Cub airplane into a high tension tower. Some wise old folks informed him that flying lessons might help but he said he already knew how to fly high.
The second nephew overdosed on heroin, morphine, cocaine, that stuff they use to put deathrow inmates to sleep for good and some unknown drug he bought from an illegal alien from outer space. This drug glowed in the dark and sparked during the day.
The gambler showed up at the deathbed side, again, only fifteen minutes after his Uncle gave him his allowance. He told the Uncle he lost the whole million in the first race at the simulcast joint and wanted another million for another race later in the day.
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One day, a wino who was very hot and thirsty was staggering along a beach and he kicked up a strange urn. A magic man popped out and said, "You have three wishes that I can fulfill, what do you want me to do for you?"
The wino thought for a second, then told the Magic Spirit, "I want a bottle of fine Scotch - really, even cheap rotgut whiskey would do, I'm not that picky - and this bottle can never go dry. Every time I take a good swig of it, the fluid replenishes itself. It will always remain a full bottle."
The Magical One smiled and clicked his long fingers together. Right inside the hobo's hand appeared a bottle of great Scotch - top shelf stuff (I can't really name a brand, because it would be commercially tacky and sound really, really dumb).
So the drunk smiled, took a long gulp and the bottle's long neck was drained of all fluid. Within a second or two, there was a 'glug, glug, glug' sound and the bottle filled up to the top again. So again, the drunk took a long, long gulp and emptied about a quarter of the bottle this time. He stared at the bottle. 'Glug, glug, glug' again, and the bottle filled to the brim, again.
"That's really neat. I got my wish." And then, the drunk took another long gulp. The bottle filled itself, again.
"Actually, you have two more wishes and you must take them or the first wish won't occur again. If you don't make two more requests of me to fulfill, that bottle will soon be empty and will never refill," the genie said.
"Okay, then: Here's my second and third wishes - I want two more bottles just like this one," the drunk said with a glazed eye and a stupid grin.
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