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Sam Vargo
"- there's never enough time to waste doing all the idiotic things I don't need to do."
Yip Yap, SK
      
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I like to share jokes on Daily Comedy.
Hey, some people enjoy solving crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles or even cutting out paper mache' dolls or doing bonzai. I wish I could trade my joke writing hobby in for a craft like needlestitch, scrap-booking or even coloring in coloring books. Or, perhaps even collecting dead bugs - now these are some worthwhile avocations, I'm telling you!!!
WHY YOU SHOULD HATE ME - All jokes and material here right now are Copyright of Samuel S. Vargo, ALL RIGHTS [more]
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A bunch of outraged, fistfighting, psychotic lipsticked hockey moms, Sarah Palin style; or some poor sot who just got shot with a machine gun at the North Pole, Sarah Palin style; or a boxing match after a hockey game breaks out, Sarah Palin style; or, a pit-bull fight on its last legs, Sarah Palin style; or, of course, the whole entire country, once Sarah Palin style goes to being President after being Vice President for a short while - after a very old man dies of natural causes, of course.
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Q - You turn on Fox News and find a lot of stuff that looks very, very wrong. You think it's a hallucination from living a crazy life as a young adult. George W. Bush is sitting amid a couple cases of old, but cold Billy Beer - now just empty trophies of another bout of drinking alone; a Fox News investigative team is trying to question the dead corpse of a very weird looking albino bigfoot creature lying on the White House lawn; Laura Bush is sneaking a Virginia Slims full flavor near a back door, standing and talking with some housekeepers; Dick Cheney is in the oval office overseeing an obscure sculptor creating the bust of Nicolò Machiavelli; John Edwards is conducting interviews with a line of Hooters Girls for the liberal left's latest "Rock-U-Mentory," El Groucho Moutho Bill Clinton is screaming at an elderly group sightseeing in the White House lobby; and Al Gore is conducting a weird autopsy on an amoeba, staring through an electron microscope holding a very small scalpel and a tiny set of cuticle scissors.
- What in the hell is the matter with this picture?
A. - Nothing - the overall scenario is perfectly normal for the times we're in.
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Q - Hypothetically speaking, say you just broke a hundred dollar bill and bought a 99 cent generic soda. The clerk hands you back one 10-1/3 dollar bill, a 2/3 dollar bill, a 53 dollar bill, a 5 1/16 dollar bill, a 2/16 dollar bill, a 87 dollar bill, a coin worth three cents and another coin worth 1 1/99 cent. To your amazement, on the six bills and two coins you were given back, Great Seminole Chief Osceola is on the first, Sitting Bull is on the second, the Indian on the cover of those cheap Skydancer cigarettes is on the third, Crazy Horse is on the fourth (and he’s also on the front and back of the two coins you’re given), a wild-looking group of young adults in their twenties (with very black hair and red skin) is on the fifth bill and a rattlesnake holding Gen. Custer’s scalp is on the last bill. You go home and turn immediately to Fox News and you find that the White House is now on an Oklahoma Indian reservation and some guy in a full head dress is now Commander in Chief. What in the hell is happening here?
A – the Great Indian Nations have fought back in economies of scale, cash stripping all other Americans of their now worthless green money. They’ve “scalped” all other races except pure blood braves and squaws. All others can get off the North American continent by sundown. There are some incidentals, though, and here's the biggies:
- African Americans can stay three months and
- Latinos with ancestry trees dating back to the Mayan and Incan civilizations can now roam freely anywhere in North America, too.
- Mixed breed Indians will be shipped to Guantanamo Bay (now dubbed “Geronimo Bay”) and will be held in cages there.
- the crazy uncommon nature of these odd bills is just a joke; money doesn't count now anyhow!
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Q. - how many sushi chefs and gourmet coffee houses does it take to feed a hungry biker roadhouse establishment?
A. - None, but you better have a hundred or so hash-slinging short order cooks, access to at least seven breweries and a direct line to at least three distilleries.
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Q - What's the Fox News network value more than the O'Reilly Factor, reports of scoundrel politicos and their errant sex lives and the weird, wacko "Government Experiment Gone Wrong" monstrosity that was psycho-analyzed for nearly a whole "Geraldo At Large" episode which ended this series of episodes(AKA the Montauk Monster' Mystery???!!!)
A - The Fox News core group of regular sponsors like The Scooter Chair Store, Dr. Frank's Dog & Cat [Orthopedic] Pet Sprays, Aqua Globe, Patch Perfect, 67 DVDs - composed of all the Dean Martin roasts, Miracle Putty, Silly Putty, some abdominal muscle exerciser that looks like an espresso machine, ehealth.com, Peticure for dogs & cats & bimbo Betty Boop celebrities, Shamwow! and nutrisystems, along with any modern Pyramid-Scheme gone illegal and gone wrong..
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