Ann Coulter, the self-declared queen of the Republican Party, this week went on The View and maligned single mothers – blaming them for just about everything that plagues the American society as we know it. 

Coulter is the level-headed pundit who wrote in her syndicated column the day after the 9/11 Twin Towers bombings in NYC, “...We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." Coulter also lambasted widows of the 9/11 bombings by saying, “These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them. ... I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much ... how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy.”

As a religious and spiritual leader, this skinny, psychotic elephant has all the wisdom of St. Frances of Assisi, and illustrates this by reportedly saying, “Christianity fuels everything I write. Being a Christian means that I am called upon to do battle against lies, injustice, cruelty, hypocrisy — you know, all the virtues in the church of liberalism." - And this spiritual mountain also said, “I'm a Christian first and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it..."

And though the Daily Comedy investigative comedian team is trying to be very, very nice here, if all this equivocation and doubletalk isn’t enough, some the the powerful, influential people who know Coulter well claim that she will do just about anything imaginable - or even unimaginable - to further her career as a political braying jackass.

You’ve got it going on, Ann. You’re an ideal role model for single Moms, widowed Moms, terrorists, Republicans and wanna be pundits everywhere. Even Sarah Palin can learn a few things from you – on what not to be.

"The food in there's bad, but it's not that bad," a wise-cracking jailer from another neighboring city reportedly told our Daily Comedy investigative comedian team.

"Hardy har hee hee hee hee hee," came some vociferous laughter from this unfeeling, mean-spirited county sheriff's department official.

"This inmate has some mental issues he's trying to deal with. Needless to say, this prisoner's television watching rights will be adversely affected by this extreme action," came a more politically correct comment by another man wearing a police uniform.

In this festive holiday season filled with dread, disappointment and despondency, it's nice to know not all rich guys are terrible, terrible tyrants. The big sand sheik - Bill Gates and his lovely Missus Melinda - for example, are two of the world's favorite computer geeks. Yep, this alpha dog couple of ‘computer nerds gone to the bank’ have big wallets, deep pockets and very, very large hearts.

Though old bashful and his Missus don't broadcast it much, they own a benevolent, philanthropic foundation that discerns where to send big piles of cold, hard cash to, like their quest to tackle one of the world's most egregious takers of little children. Yep, Bill and Melinda don't mess around with some hoaky-fanokeee-cure for the common cold. Nope, they're tackling the rotavirus, some mysterious, horrid killer that's taking a half a million little lives a year.

Bill and Melinda, let's give you a big, fat, NLHN curtsy and say you are really Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus and let's just let the world know right now that all rich white guys who wear geeky looking glasses read Machiavelli in their spare time!!! So you two cards go and play some bridge with Warren Buffet and the boys and we're happy to know the world's a lot better with you two young'uns around!!!

For our information, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation have poured more billions into the world's charity causes than even the big Automaker Bailout of this week. How many billions? Who knows, get a NASA computer or a NASA telescope to figure it all out!!! God loves you because you love the world so much you two lovebirds!!!

- and we wouldn't even have this gizmo called the NLHN to goof around on if it wasn't for you, you gawky looking old four eyes guy!!!

Actually, nobody knows, not even the major banks who are lending the money.

"We've lent some of it. We've not lent some of it. We've not given any accounting of, 'Here's how we're doing it,'" said Thomas Kelly, a spokesman for JPMorgan Chase, which received $25 billion in emergency bailout money. "We have not disclosed that to the public. We're declining to."

Kelly, however, did not mention in the MSNBC reports that if another bail-out is needed soon, banks and automakers will not be hesitant to ask for another astronomically high dollar amount, almost in rote.

- As the pundit would editorialize here, boys, "How many sets of books are these guys using, and when they cook the books, are they going to do it stove-top style or by microwave?

George W. Bush during a press conference overseas recently. Under the strict codes of the magnanimous, beneficent side of Islam, this equates to the former President having a bright future in something he could possibly handle as a retiree - he will probably do well as a door-to-door shoe salesman.

- to save for him in the White House broom closet?

A. - The Presidential chainsaw and the Presidential torture chamber machines.

Come on - any news organization that has to say every three or four minutes that they're "fair and balanced" could never be fair and balanced. Ha ha hee hee hee hee.

"So I'm not going to church. It's full of hypocrites," he mumbled, then spit on the floor like he was possessed by a frog.

"We could always use one more," said some pious- looking fool standing behind us in the convenient store. 

"The Cross on the wall will melt. Besides that, I worship a door knob. I believe in some thing, you see," the cynic said.

"It was melted to become a cross. And how many times have you seen a door knob on a Crucifix. Do whatever the hell you want," the religious guy said.

A boxing match which soon turned to a hockey game erupted at one of Christianity's most holy of churches on Sunday, Nov. 9, according to real, actual news reports. The clash between two religious sects of monks erupted at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, revered as the site of Jesus' entombment and resurrection. The exact reasoning behind this violence is unclear but two things about the matter are certain: Nobody turned the other cheek to their attackers and no wagering was taken at the scene of these fights.