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Dan Wilbur
"Genius!"
New York, NY
      
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Check out DanWilbur.com!
Recently deemed the smartest man alive by himself and this other guy, Dan Wilbur is proud to be a founding member of Bard College's Stand-Up Comedy Club. He has performed and produced several shows at Bard College, including two large shows that featured members of Olde English comedy troupe. Dan also produced a Roast of the (sort of) famous rapper Soul Khan, and performed an hour-long set at the Chautauqua College Club in Chautauqua, New York.
Dan has also written for [more]
juju beans says:
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I'm with you on that xxxhottgirl crap. She is the most unfunny whore Ive ever seen
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Punchline Magazine says:
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congrats on being a guest star!
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 Every time I watch Law and Order, I find it totally unrealistic that all the lawyers can just rattle off precedents as if they've memorized every court case that's ever happened.
If I wrote for that show I'd make it more realistic and accessible by making all the cited cases ones my audience could remember:
Lawyer 1: Your honor, the defendant must have stolen the tractor in question he was the only one present-
Lawyer 2: Objection…Plessy Vs. Ferguson, your honor! How do we know this tractor was as good as a whites only tractor? Also, Roe Vs. Wade…I’m not really sure how it fits, but, you know, babies, and stuff…
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 A 24 year old BOY married an 82 year old crone this week. The woman has known her now husband his entire life, and when asked whether the marriage was “purely spiritual” Ms Volpes “laughed and replied ‘There is going to be more.’” My penis is praying she meant the money in her will.
But we’re not that lucky: He moved in with her when he was 15, and says “he’s always been attracted to mature women.” That means this has been going on for at least nine years! Good God!
Although, an old lady fetish might be great since you, in all likelihood, are guaranteed another shot at love every decade or so. But, what are they going to talk about in the meantime? How good medical marijuana is? This is not the same cultural jump from Rugrats to the Fairly Odd Parents generation; this is a jump from seeing Birth of a Nation to a kid who watched The Lion King in theaters! What are they going to call this creepy reverse Lolita travesty when they make it into a TV movie? Harold and Maude Go to White Castle and Have a Bunch of Weird Geriatric Sex?
…ewww.
The real creepiness is here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7019998.stm
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 Those signs on the trashcans that say “Keep New York Clean” confuse me. Cause if this is the level of cleanliness at which they want the city to remain, then my Cliff Bar wrapper will just add to the aesthetics when I lay it atop the steaming pool of rat-infested garbage puss leaking into the street on every corner.
Since everyone on the island already inhaled a floor or two of the twin towers, I guess it doesn't make much of a difference.
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 My mom told me she didn’t think Barack could win the election because there were still too many bigots in the South.
And I said wait, wait, wait! I think you are underestimating the South, and their incredible sense of irony. Cause that’s what’s really gonna rack it in for Obama in the Red States: joke votes and Jethro’s drunken bet that Earl won’t really go through with voting for “the negro.”
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 The first big storm of the season is heading toward the US via Jamaica. Most Americans were not frightened until they heard the lunatic ravings of the storm, as it screamed: “We’re gonna take Texas, then we’re gonna take Ohio, and California, THEN THE WHITEHOUSE!!!” Though the most aggressively crazy and ambitious storm, most think it will probably die out after a tour of a few states, and then be completely forgotten, aside from a few pictures comparing it to a larger, darker, more virile future storm that travels faster and has a more sensible exit strategy for American troops in Iraq.
Or it might be replaced by the hurricane with really nice hair.
Or Hillary Clinton…
who blows.
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 Photographer Spencer Tunick released his newest photo of 600 naked people near a Swiss glacier, hoping to spread awareness about global warming.
This photo made me aware that my fat white naked ass (along with others) would still look enormous and blindingly void of color even when juxtaposed with a gargantuan chunk of ice.
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 Suspiciously enough, one toy has yet to be called in for questioning...
How can we continue to live in a world where mutantkind control our Polly Pockets?
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A piece of my Mo Pitkins' "Lost Puppy" set. Subjects include Stupidity and Ancient Greek.
Some of these jokes have appeared in writing on DailyComedy, but now you can hear them straight from my mouth, SON!
4 min.
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 Tired of wasting that five minutes it takes to spray Febreze on a shirt? Now, you can put your dirty laundry in a machine for thirty minutes, then put it in another machine, while trying to make small talk with the Spanish Lady watching soap operas in the corner of the Laundromat but she just smiles and says “yes, quarters” to the question: “How many more quarters do I need for this dryer?” and now all the Law and Orders you’ve Tivoed are going to get pushed out of your line-up because of the Basketball games your roommate set up to record, and now there’s no time to watch anything anyway, so why does it matter? But, hey. Your clothes now have the sweet smell of laziness, and no one will know how much time you spent being a dumbfuck.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
