LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. – The mayor of a small Southern California city says he will resign after being criticized for sharing an e-mail picture depicting the White House lawn planted with watermelons under the title "No Easter egg hunt this year."

When developing possible excuses for the dumb move his publisist considered:

 1) Having local Police officers shoot and kill a watermelon for relevance.

 2) Claiming, "What? Joe Biden sent it to me??"

 3) Responding indignantly, "It's okay...I'm a democrat!!!" 

Instead he went with the old, I didn't know African-Americans liked watermelon.

When asked what will the Mayor do next, the black publisist responded while eating fried chicken,"He is entertaining an offer as a cartoonist for a major metropolitan paper."

When asked for a reason, Drew stated matter of factly, "Abandonment."

BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

1) Is it really sexual intercourse if it's a table?  At least my hands are connected to a living, breathing, being!

2) Who could blame the guy???  He's obviously a legs man!

3) Only three times in three months....what?  Was he married to the table?

4) He tilts the table on it's side, that's what happens when you read the Karma Sutra for Dummies!

5) AND IS IT ANY SURPRISE.........he lives in Bellvue???

They were actually trying to kill the best man.

It's good to know Mexican pilots aren't crashing on purpose!