I guess it's big news that the Kosovo Government ERECTED a statue to honor President Bill Clinton....
Monica Lewinski commented that it was a very nice ERECTION.
Hillary Clinton said that she hadn't seen it.
 
  [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: Sports
Keywords: bill clinton statue kosovo politics jason hazelwood
Added: Mon, 2 Nov 2009

Hospitals in rural parts of the midwest and deep south have been reporting increased numbers of males in their late 30s and early 40s showing up with circulation issues mainly in their forearms and hands.
Upon further investigation it was discovered that these men were wrapping their arms in rubberbands to mourn the passing of WWF superstar Captain Lou Albano. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: News
Keywords: news wrestling wwe captain lou albano death jason hazelwood
Added: Thu, 15 Oct 2009

Do ya think a homosexual male was ever presented by a potential suiter with equipment so large that he was scared straight?
Well do ya? [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: Weird
Keywords: sexuality gay dirty blue sex jason hazelwood
Added: Wed, 14 Oct 2009

Playboy Magazine in an effort to boost sales has begun pursuing celebrity centerfolds.
November features Marge Simpson as a cover girl.
Apparently Hugh Hefner in his senility didn't realize that she's not  a real girl.
Look for upcoming issues to include...
Betty & Veronica, The Girls of Scooby Doo, and Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl bunny. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: playboy hugh heffner simpsons marge jason hazelwood
Added: Mon, 12 Oct 2009

I feel bad for past Nobel Peace Prize winners, now that Obama won a peace prize it really makes the achievments of Bono seem far less spectacular. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: News
Keywords: nobel peace prize barack obama hazelwood
Added: Fri, 9 Oct 2009

It wasn't enough when some  members of the press were pointing to First Lady, Michelle Obama's, muscular physique and some dirtbag journalists referred to her as having man arms.
 No! That wasn't enough!

Today there is a "news story" about Michelle Obama having a large staff.
 Now that's just wrong!
 Whats next? Are we going to demand that our first ladies go through a gender verification test like some sort of South African runner? [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: Political
Keywords: politics michelle obama staff hazelwood caster semenya
Added: Wed, 7 Oct 2009

The Philadelphia Eagles are changing their name to The Philadelphia Vultures because vultures will pick up any dead diseased carcass from the side of the road!
Welcome to Philly Michael Vick!
  [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: Sports
Keywords: michael vick philadelphia eagles jason hazelwood
Added: Fri, 14 Aug 2009

So....
Last night I was up late watching a scary movie... And there was this big scary guy with a garden tool and he was like...
I'm Back!
And I was like... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
And then he said it's me Billy Mays for The Awesome Auger Garden Tool. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: News
Keywords: billy mays death infomercial awesome auger hazelwood
Added: Fri, 14 Aug 2009

Everytime I search for pictures of the Suicide Girls my computer keeps returning pictures of Islamic Women with bombs strapped to them. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: Political
Keywords: terrorism suicide girls suicide bombers news jason hazelwood
Added: Thu, 30 Jul 2009

Walter Cronkite had been suffering with Dimentia for the last few years and when he would tell his family wild stories they would try to calm him by telling him that they didn't really happen.
This enraged Walter  and he would bellow, YOU'RE going to tell me the way it is! I CREATED that's the way it is.
Walter Cronkite died at home on Friday due to complications caused by all the Michael Jackson news coverage.
 And that's the way it was on July 17th 2009. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: News
Keywords: walter cronkite news death dimentia michael jackson
Added: Sat, 18 Jul 2009

The Chinese Military has begun using Segway Scooters.

I think it's a bad idea to have an army that can be immobilized by building a six inch curb. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: News
Keywords: china chinese army segway scooter war hazelwood
Added: Wed, 8 Jul 2009

Dutch-Born Super-Model Karen Mulder was arrested in Paris, France for allegedly threatening her plastic surgeon.
Even though I think it's horrible for someone to threaten another human being with bodily harm.
After seeing what this plastic surgeon did to poor Karen Mulder I think she was totally justified.
 
  [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: News
Keywords: karen mulder super model supermodel carrot top hazelwood
Added: Wed, 1 Jul 2009

Sarah Jessica Parker (the girl from Sex In The City) and Matthew Broderick (the guy who killed two people in Ireland) just had twins... I saw the photo and I thought it was triplets but one baby turned out to be SJP's nose. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: sarah jessica parker matthew broderick babies hazelwood
Added: Tue, 30 Jun 2009

Steve Jobs returns to work this week after undergoing liver transplant surgery.
He plans on getting to work on Apples newest project the I-Liver.  The new I-Liver will perform all the functions of the human liver will also play music and video.
The really exciting part of the new I-Liver will be the Applications written by 3rd party software developers that will allow the I-Liver to perform a limitless number of functions previously performed by other organs. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: News
Keywords: steve jobs ipod i-phone medical apple hazelwood
Added: Tue, 30 Jun 2009

Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and Ed McMahon all show up in heaven on the same day and Saint Peter greets them at the pearly gates, first he sees Farrah and he says, "Tell me what you did with your life."
Farrah says, "I never really did anything all that worthy, I was a TV and movie Actress."
Peter takes out the 1976 Poster of Farrah in the red bikini and he says, "This poster touched many young males in the 70s and 80s and helped guide them through adolescence... That's enough."
Next Michael comes up and Peter asks him, "What have you done worthwhile in your life?"
Having overheard Farrah he answers Peter by saying that he too had touched many young males in the 70's and 80s.
Peter takes out the 1982 "Thriller" album and says, "This album has sold more copies than any other album in the history of music. It went on to change music and inspire countless artists... that's enough."
Ed's next in line, and Peter asks him, "Well Ed, What have you done with your life?"
Ed figures he's a shoe in. He says I entertained millions on The Johnny Carson Show and TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes, I was a philanthropist and gave to charity. I was a good man.
 Peter takes out a publisher's clearing house envelope with Ed's picture on it and you may already be a winner scrawled across it.
 Peter says, "I must have collected thosands of these over the years... THAT'S ENOUGH!"
And that's how Ed ended up in hell. [more]

Author: Jason Hazelwood
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: farrah fawcett michael jackson ed mcmahon death hazelwood
Added: Fri, 26 Jun 2009