As W.C. Fields would have said about Communist China: anyone who poisons dogs and children can't be all bad. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Political
Keywords: tibet china toy recall w.c. fields
Added: Tue, 8 Apr 2008

Between the housing slump and high oil prices my Consumer Confidence Index fell so low I passed out in Wal-Mart. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 2 Jan 2008

I don't know about you but if I'm working in a shitty office and the boss puts an inspirational poster on the wall of some guy hang gliding in Maui, I'm not inspired to make more sales calls, I'm inspired to go hang gliding in Maui. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 27 Dec 2007

I was at a vegetarian diner. The guy next to me was eating their famous Nine Bean Chili with grilled tofu chunks and melted soy cheese on top along with a tall glass of soy milk.

So basically he's eating beans mixed with chunks of beans with beans melted on top and washed down with a nice, cold glass of beans.

He may be healthy but he ain't gonna be popular. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 20 Dec 2007

My friend Steve paid $400 for a weekend seminar on how to get rich in real estate. According to the brochure - "Banks are just giving away real estate - find out how you can get some!"

Trust me, banks are NOT giving away real estate. We are talking about the people who put a long chain on a pen that doesn't work. I don't think they're giving away apartment houses. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 14 Dec 2007

My ex-wife and I couldn't bear children.

It was the only thing we had in common. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 14 Dec 2007

My all time favorite headline:

CATHOLIC CHURCH SAYS: INQUISITION NOT AS BAD
AS THOUGHT [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 12 Dec 2007

Life is like a long depressing Swedish film about death so the best thing you can do is sit in the back row and make out. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 11 Dec 2007

Not really a joke but I just got a fortune cookie

"You will win the respect of your pears".

Can you believe there are people who entrust their fate to a fortune cookie? Me, I take charge of my fate - I open cookie after cookie till I find a fortune I like. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 11 Dec 2007

I bought generic margarine and it was just as good as the name brand.

I can't believe it's not I can't believe it's not butter. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 8 Dec 2007

In an unprecedented tragedy, Saudi Arabia lost its entire synchronized swimming team.

On their first day of practice they all drowned in their burkhas. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Sports
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 7 Dec 2007

Here's the latest fashion news from New York!

Women in thousand dollar Manolo Blahnik shoes are stepping over passed out crack addicts in vomit encrusted army coats. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 7 Dec 2007

They say Italian men want a woman who is both 'Madonna and Whore' which seems to me a little redundant. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 5 Dec 2007

Movie Indians are always saying "White man speak with forked tongue"

"Yeah, I wish. If I had a forked tongue, I'd be scraping satisfied women off my bedroom ceiling." [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 4 Dec 2007

I'm trying to be more environmentally conscious - I traded in my electric blanket for a wood burning blanket.

When I go fishing I practice catch and eat and release. [more]

Author: Dan Liebert
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 4 Dec 2007