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"My Most Ripped Off Joke: If they ever made a musical about me there'd probably be a lot of songs about jacking off and pizza."
Male
Registered on: 09/12/07
Location:
Elizabethtown, IL
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/verbalcartoonist
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Biography:
WWW.VERBALCARTOONIST.COM is NOW UP AND RUNNING and voted BEST NEW COMEDY SITE.
Five days ago we hit 1,000 VISITS a day. Today I am at just under 1,400 individual visits a day. Find out Why.
Just recently came out with my book 'DISCONTINUED SOUP' Available through Barnes & Noble etc have done several years of stand up in NYC and the Midwest.
I have a weekly feature (Dan Liebert, Verbal Cartoonist) on www.mcsweeneys.net/links/danliebert. Also I have recorded weekly bits for national NPR's 'Fair Game' show.
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Page Views: 2511
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Jokes: 82
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Videos: 0
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Comments: 5
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Fans: 3
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As W.C. Fields would have said about Communist China: anyone who poisons dogs and children can't be all bad.
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Between the housing slump and high oil prices my Consumer Confidence Index fell so low I passed out in Wal-Mart.
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I don't know about you but if I'm working in a shitty office and the boss puts an inspirational poster on the wall of some guy hang gliding in Maui, I'm not inspired to make more sales calls, I'm inspired to go hang gliding in Maui.
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I was at a vegetarian diner. The guy next to me was eating their famous Nine Bean Chili with grilled tofu chunks and melted soy cheese on top along with a tall glass of soy milk.
So basically he's eating beans mixed with chunks of beans with beans melted on top and washed down with a nice, cold glass of beans.
He may be healthy but he ain't gonna be popular.
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My friend Steve paid $400 for a weekend seminar on how to get rich in real estate. According to the brochure - "Banks are just giving away real estate - find out how you can get some!"
Trust me, banks are NOT giving away real estate. We are talking about the people who put a long chain on a pen that doesn't work. I don't think they're giving away apartment houses.
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Life is like a long depressing Swedish film about death so the best thing you can do is sit in the back row and make out.
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Not really a joke but I just got a fortune cookie
"You will win the respect of your pears".
Can you believe there are people who entrust their fate to a fortune cookie? Me, I take charge of my fate - I open cookie after cookie till I find a fortune I like.
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I bought generic margarine and it was just as good as the name brand.
I can't believe it's not I can't believe it's not butter.
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Beth Schumann says:
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I'm sorry. I know I'm a total snot. I didn't think you stole my joke, I know that lots of people can come up with similar ideas. I was just having a bad day, a fight with my husband, etc. etc. I shouldn't have taken it out on you, sorry. Of course your joke is hilarious, because great minds think alike! I really like your stuff.
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Ray Ellin says:
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so funny... all of it.
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Octavia Smith says:
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I'm so loving this page.keep it coming.
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Dan Liebert says:
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Thanks Ray, I've enjoyed you many times from the balcony at the Strip. If you see DF tell him hello and be sure to let him know you like my stuff - he taught me.
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Ray Ellin says:
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great page - really funny
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