A two year old Tennessee boy helped his mother deliver her fourth baby on their living room couch.  When a reporter asked him if he'd been scared or nervous, the toddler replied, "Ha!  No way; the last two were C-sections!"

A Democratic senator from Arkansas is not sure if she'll vote for the health care bill because she wants to make sure that it's good for the people in her state.  I say, "Vote for the bill.  We'll fly all 7 people in your state to our New York doctors whenever they're sick!."

Oprah just interviewed Sarah Pailin.  Winfrey could have gotten less convoluted answers from my intestines during a game of Twister.

A New York judge ordered a clown to change out of his colorful costume during his trial.  Judges hate when people dress weird in court; goofy white curly wigs, big black robes-stuff like that. 

Nicholas Cage’s former financial manager is fuming. He claims that Cage, not him,  caused his own financial disaster. “He bought 15 mansions, 2 castles in Europe, 4 yachts, and several Rolls Royces…and I’m sure that that TGIFriday’s “2 for 1" entree coupon I gave him is still in his wallet!

 To more accurately reflect her drug use, Amy is changing her name from Winehouse to Crackhouse.

Bernie Madoff’s stuff is being auctioned off, including his Mets jacket which says “Madoff” on the back.  May not be safe to walk the streets of New York in that thing; after all, it does say Mets on it!

It was insanity at CNN in Atlanta yesterday.  First, that ancient anchorman with the bad caps quit his job.  Next, the sex tape video-breast implant-California wacko Carrie Prejean nearly walked off The Larry King Show. The two of them were introduced  in the hallway: "Lou Dobbs, meet "New Knobs"!

Andy Warhol’s “200 One Dollar Bills” just sold at auction for $43.7 million. Look for my new work, entitled “43.7 Million Dollars”, on eBay, with a starting bid of 200 bucks or "best offer".

Researchers have found that pigs are brilliant at finding food stashes, and will even follow other pigs that seem to know where the food is.  Reminds me of researchers who are always looking for grant money!