"Did you hear about that Mexican swine flu going around?  It has already exploded into a global epidemic in a matter of weeks. I got really worried when I first heard about it, and made an appointment right away for the doctor to get tested.  Not that i've been to mexico recently, but i've been with a few pigs in my day."

HAMILTON, Ohio -- A 47-year-old Ohio teacher accompanied four female students to a male strip club.  Butler Tech school district spokesman Bill Solazzo said "It probably wasn't the smartest idea adding the 'G-Spot Strip Club' to the school district's Cooperative Education program. 

A 57-year-old Detroit woman avoided serious injury when the underwire on her bra deflected a bullet shot at her, police said.

I don't think this is what she had in mind when she seductively told her date she doesn't mind taking a shot to the chest every now and then.

 Growing up I never got timeouts to reflect what I just did.  As a kid the only timeouts were called by me. "Stop, timeout! Timeout!"

 Parents today are too nice.  I remember as a kid my dad would hit me when I messed up.  Our parents didn't count to 3 to threaten us.  If my dad counted, it's because he wanted to keep count of how many times he hit me.  "I'm going for high score, stop moving!"