I voted here in LA last night and added to the issues: how about when we drive that's ALL we do! I left a Whole Foods yesterday to witness a young woman driving a large car while holding a lap dog, texting someone, eating (a surprise in LA), and finishing a college application. I rushed to save a elderly woman who was about to cross her path. All in a day's work here in spacy LA.

Recently political pundits discussed the fact that in the US more people vote for American Idol or NFL player of the week than in legitimate elections and commented "at the rate we're going when we finally get a woman president it will be Lyndsay Lohan" to which Bush was heard to reply "Oh goodie! I loved 'Freaky Friday' cause it had magic and stuff".

The United States, in an effort to punish North Korea and make sure nuclear testing never happens again, has ammended Ashley Simpson's "West End" contract to appear in "Chicago" to include a year long run in North Korea. North Korean officials said an apology was imminent.

 In an attempt to explain his actions in late July Mel Gibson recently blamed a lazy rigth eye saying "it's really lazy and has never even visited the Museum of Tolerance in any attempt to quiet it's anti-semetic feelings"; his left eye could not be reached for comment. As for the beard...he simply had no excuse.

 Sources in Washington recently revealed the slogan "No Child Left Behind" would be changed because it seemed inappropriate after the Foley scandal, the new slogan will be:

"No child In The Behind"

Also added: a ban on the phrase "let's get on the same page with this"

Katie Couric's assumption of the network news throne has proven to be a success; sources revealed recently that during focus groups to determine Couric's popularity a nugget of Captain Crunch cereal was placed in a swivel chair, when groups responded favorably the network knew it was a bright idea. Couric plans to leave 5 minutes each night at the end of the broadcast to inform the public of new gingerbread recipes as well as ways to get stains out of a much-loved but well-worn shirt.